Idiom Informal 4 min read

to nurse a grudge

To hold onto resentment or ill feelings towards someone.

Literally: to care for/look after a grievance

In 15 Seconds

  • Actively keeping resentment alive.
  • Tending to anger like a wound.
  • Implies long-term bitterness.
  • Not for fleeting annoyances.

Meaning

This phrase means holding onto anger or resentment towards someone for a long time. It's not just being upset; it's actively keeping that bad feeling alive, like you're tending to a wound that won't heal. It implies a persistent, often bitter, dislike that influences your actions or thoughts.

Key Examples

3 of 11
1

Texting a friend about a shared acquaintance

Ugh, Mark is still mad about that comment I made last year? He's really nursing a grudge.

Ugh, Mark is still mad about that comment I made last year? He's really holding onto resentment.

2

Discussing a family conflict

My aunt hasn't spoken to my uncle in ten years because of that inheritance dispute. She's definitely nursing a grudge.

My aunt hasn't spoken to my uncle in ten years because of that inheritance dispute. She's definitely holding onto resentment.

3

Social media post about a minor inconvenience

My neighbor keeps complaining about my dog barking once last week. Seriously? He's nursing a grudge over nothing!

My neighbor keeps complaining about my dog barking once last week. Seriously? He's holding onto resentment over nothing!

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Cultural Background

The phrase `to nurse a grudge` taps into a deep human tendency to hold onto negative emotions, often stemming from perceived injustices. Historically, societies have grappled with the consequences of unresolved conflicts and lingering resentments, which can fuel cycles of revenge or social division. The idiom reflects a cultural understanding that unresolved anger isn't just a fleeting emotion but something that can be actively maintained, impacting individual well-being and interpersonal relationships.

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Active vs. Passive Resentment

Remember, 'nursing' implies you're actively tending to your anger. It's like watering a plant. 'Bearing' or 'holding' a grudge can be more passive, like just carrying a heavy bag.

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Don't Use for Fleeting Anger!

Using 'nursing a grudge' for a minor, temporary annoyance sounds silly. Save it for feelings that linger and fester for a while. Nobody wants to hear you're nursing a grudge over a burnt piece of toast!

In 15 Seconds

  • Actively keeping resentment alive.
  • Tending to anger like a wound.
  • Implies long-term bitterness.
  • Not for fleeting annoyances.

What It Means

Ever felt really annoyed with someone and just couldn't let it go? That's basically to nurse a grudge. It's like you're taking care of a bad feeling, feeding it with your thoughts. You keep that resentment alive, maybe even letting it grow. It's not a quick annoyance; it's a deep, lingering bitterness. Think of it like tending a small, sad plant of anger in your heart. It's a heavy feeling, not a fun one!

Origin Story

This expression likely comes from the idea of 'nursing' as caring for something, like a sick person or a baby. In the old days, 'nursing' meant providing comfort and sustenance. So, to nurse a grudge means you're actively providing sustenance to your resentment. You're keeping it alive and perhaps even helping it 'grow' or 'heal' in your own mind, which is the opposite of letting it fade away. It paints a picture of someone lovingly (or unlovingly!) tending to their bad feelings.

How To Use It

Use this phrase when someone is holding onto anger for a long time. It's about the persistence of the bad feeling. You can use it to describe someone else's behavior. Or, you can use it to describe your own past feelings, if you're being honest. It's a pretty descriptive way to talk about lingering resentment. It’s not just a quick moment of anger; it’s a sustained emotional state.

Real-Life Examples

Imagine two friends who had a huge fight last year. One of them still brings it up every chance they get. That friend is definitely nursing a grudge. Or maybe your boss unfairly blamed you for a project failure. If you keep replaying it in your head and feeling bitter months later, you might be nursing a grudge. It’s that stubborn, unresolved anger that sticks around.

When To Use It

Use to nurse a grudge when you want to describe someone who is holding onto anger for a significant period. It works well when the resentment is impacting their attitude or actions. It’s perfect for describing a situation where someone refuses to forgive or forget. Think of family feuds or long-standing workplace rivalries. It highlights the deliberate act of keeping the anger alive.

When NOT To Use It

Don't use to nurse a grudge for a fleeting moment of anger. If you're just annoyed for a few minutes, that’s not nursing a grudge. It’s also not for situations where someone is actively trying to resolve the issue. If they're talking it out or seeking mediation, they aren't nursing a grudge. It implies a passive, yet persistent, negativity. Avoid using it for mild disagreements; it’s for deeper, more sustained feelings.

Common Mistakes

A common mistake is using it for temporary anger. Someone might say, "I'm nursing a grudge because he took the last cookie." That's funny, but not quite right! Cookies are usually not worth nursing a grudge over. A better fit would be for a serious betrayal. Also, confusing it with 'holding a grudge' is common. While similar, 'nursing' implies more active tending.

"I'm nursing a grudge about the cookie." "I'm a little annoyed about the cookie, but I'm not nursing a grudge."
"She nursed her anger for years." "She held onto her anger for years."

Similar Expressions

There are other ways to say something similar! Holding a grudge is very close. To have a chip on your shoulder means you feel resentful, often because you feel unfairly treated. To bear a grudge is also similar, focusing on carrying the burden of resentment. To carry resentment is a more direct way to say it. These phrases all touch on lingering negative feelings, but nursing adds that sense of actively keeping it alive.

Memory Trick

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Picture yourself sitting by a tiny campfire, carefully adding twigs to keep the flame going. You're nursing that little flame. Now, imagine that flame is your anger or resentment. You're actively feeding it, keeping it alive. That’s to nurse a grudge! You're tending to your bad feelings, not letting them go out.

Quick FAQ

Is it always a bad thing? Yes, nursing a grudge is generally seen as negative. It harms the person holding it. Does it have to be a big issue? Not necessarily, but the phrase implies a significant emotional investment. Can I nurse a grudge against a company? Yes, you can feel resentment towards an organization too.

Usage Notes

This is an informal idiom, best used in casual conversation or writing. While it can be used professionally in the negative ('I don't nurse grudges'), its core meaning describes a persistent, often unhealthy, emotional state. Using it seriously implies a significant, long-standing resentment, not just a minor annoyance.

💡

Active vs. Passive Resentment

Remember, 'nursing' implies you're actively tending to your anger. It's like watering a plant. 'Bearing' or 'holding' a grudge can be more passive, like just carrying a heavy bag.

⚠️

Don't Use for Fleeting Anger!

Using 'nursing a grudge' for a minor, temporary annoyance sounds silly. Save it for feelings that linger and fester for a while. Nobody wants to hear you're nursing a grudge over a burnt piece of toast!

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The Burden of Grudges

In many cultures, holding onto grudges is seen as unhealthy and detrimental to personal peace. Phrases like this highlight the wisdom of letting go and forgiving, not just for others, but for your own well-being.

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Negative Self-Talk

If you catch yourself constantly replaying a negative event and feeling bitter, you might be 'nursing a grudge'. Recognizing this is the first step to letting it go. Maybe try journaling about it instead?

Examples

11
#1 Texting a friend about a shared acquaintance

Ugh, Mark is still mad about that comment I made last year? He's really nursing a grudge.

Ugh, Mark is still mad about that comment I made last year? He's really holding onto resentment.

Shows disbelief at the duration of the anger.

#2 Discussing a family conflict

My aunt hasn't spoken to my uncle in ten years because of that inheritance dispute. She's definitely nursing a grudge.

My aunt hasn't spoken to my uncle in ten years because of that inheritance dispute. She's definitely holding onto resentment.

Highlights a long-standing, serious conflict.

#3 Social media post about a minor inconvenience

My neighbor keeps complaining about my dog barking once last week. Seriously? He's nursing a grudge over nothing!

My neighbor keeps complaining about my dog barking once last week. Seriously? He's holding onto resentment over nothing!

Uses the phrase humorously for a trivial issue.

#4 Job interview follow-up email

I understand there were concerns regarding my previous project's delay; however, I assure you I do not nurse any grudges from that situation and am focused on future success.

I understand there were concerns regarding my previous project's delay; however, I assure you I do not hold onto resentment from that situation and am focused on future success.

Used in the negative to show professionalism and lack of lingering issues.

#5 Workplace discussion about team dynamics

It's important that we resolve conflicts quickly; we can't afford to have team members nursing grudges against each other.

It's important that we resolve conflicts quickly; we can't afford to have team members holding onto resentment against each other.

Emphasizes the negative impact on collaboration.

#6 Online forum comment

He keeps bringing up that one mistake from season 2. The fan base is tired of him nursing a grudge against the writers.

He keeps bringing up that one mistake from season 2. The fan base is tired of him holding onto resentment against the writers.

Applies the phrase to a pop culture context.

#7 Advice to a friend

You need to let go of what happened with Sarah. You're just nursing a grudge, and it's not healthy for you.

You need to let go of what happened with Sarah. You're just holding onto resentment, and it's not healthy for you.

Directly addresses someone's unhealthy emotional state.

Mistake: Using for a very short-term issue Common Mistake

✗ I'm nursing a grudge because you ate the last slice of pizza!

✗ I'm holding onto resentment because you ate the last slice of pizza!

The phrase implies long-term bitterness, not a fleeting annoyance over food.

Mistake: Incorrect verb form Common Mistake

✗ He is nursing for a grudge against his boss.

✗ He is holding onto resentment against his boss.

The preposition 'for' is incorrect here; the phrase is 'nursing a grudge'.

#10 Vlogging about a past travel mishap

Remember that time my flight got cancelled? I could have nursed a grudge against the airline, but honestly, it made for a good story!

Remember that time my flight got cancelled? I could have held onto resentment against the airline, but honestly, it made for a good story!

Shows a conscious decision *not* to hold onto the negative feeling.

#11 Writing a character bio for a story

The character's defining trait is that she nurses a grudge against anyone who slighted her in high school.

The character's defining trait is that she actively keeps resentment alive against anyone who slighted her in high school.

Describes a personality trait central to a fictional character.

Test Yourself

Fill in the blank with the correct phrase.

✓ Correct! ✗ Not quite. Correct answer: nursing a grudge

The sentence describes someone who is still upset about something from the past, which is the definition of 'nursing a grudge'.

Choose the sentence that uses the phrase correctly.

Which sentence correctly uses 'to nurse a grudge'?

✓ Correct! ✗ Not quite. Correct answer: He decided to nurse a grudge against his noisy neighbors for months.

The phrase 'to nurse a grudge' means to hold onto resentment. The correct sentence uses it to describe someone holding onto anger towards their neighbors.

Find and fix the error in the sentence.

✓ Correct! ✗ Not quite. Correct answer:

The sentence is already correct. 'To nurse a grudge' is the standard idiom for holding onto resentment.

Fill in the blank.

✓ Correct! ✗ Not quite. Correct answer: nurse a grudge

The context of 'betrayal' and 'hard not to' suggests holding onto negative feelings, which aligns with 'nursing a grudge'.

Translate the sentence into English.

✓ Correct! ✗ Not quite. Correct answer:

The French verb 'nourrir' (to feed/nourish) is used similarly to the English 'nurse' in this context, implying the active maintenance of a negative feeling.

Find and fix the error in the sentence.

✓ Correct! ✗ Not quite. Correct answer:

The sentence correctly uses the idiom 'nursing a grudge' to describe someone holding onto past resentment.

Put the words in the correct order to form a sentence.

✓ Correct! ✗ Not quite. Correct answer:

This sentence structure correctly applies the idiom 'to nurse a grudge' to describe someone holding onto resentment.

Choose the sentence that uses the phrase correctly in a professional context.

Which sentence best uses 'to nurse a grudge' in a professional setting?

✓ Correct! ✗ Not quite. Correct answer: We need to ensure that no team member nurses a grudge after the restructuring.

In a professional context, it's important to address and prevent lingering resentment. This sentence highlights that need effectively.

🎉 Score: /8

Visual Learning Aids

Formality Spectrum for 'to nurse a grudge'

Very Informal

Used casually among friends, often with humor.

He's still nursing a grudge about that parking ticket from last year!

Informal

Common in everyday conversation, describes persistent negative feelings.

She's been nursing a grudge against her boss since the promotion denial.

Neutral

Can be used in slightly more formal contexts, but still implies personal feelings.

It's important not to nurse grudges in a team environment.

Formal

Rarely used in very formal settings; more direct language preferred.

The report noted that unresolved personal conflicts could lead individuals to nurse grudges.

When You Might Hear 'to nurse a grudge'

Holding onto resentment
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Friend gossip

Can you believe she's still mad about that?

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Family drama

They haven't spoken since the inheritance fight.

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Workplace conflict

He never forgave me for that mistake.

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Social media comments

Still bitter about the finale?

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Analyzing characters

The villain nurses a grudge for years.

🤔

Self-reflection

I realized I was nursing a grudge.

Comparing 'to nurse a grudge' with Similar Phrases

Active Resentment
to nurse a grudge Actively tending to and keeping resentment alive.
Passive Resentment
to bear a grudge Carrying the weight of resentment, perhaps less actively.
Feeling Wronged
to have a chip on your shoulder Feeling resentful due to a perceived past unfairness.
Letting Go
to let bygones be bygones Deciding to forget past conflicts.

Scenarios for 'Nursing a Grudge'

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Personal Relationships

  • Friendship disputes
  • Romantic breakups
  • Family feuds
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Professional Life

  • Workplace disagreements
  • Missed promotions
  • Unfair criticism
😂

Minor Annoyances (Humorous)

  • Food theft
  • Parking disputes
  • Borrowing without returning

Long-Term Bitterness

  • Historical grievances
  • Unresolved betrayals
  • Deep-seated anger

Practice Bank

8 exercises
Fill in the blank with the correct phrase. Fill Blank beginner

He still talks about that argument from years ago; he's clearly ______.

✓ Correct! ✗ Not quite. Correct answer: nursing a grudge

The sentence describes someone who is still upset about something from the past, which is the definition of 'nursing a grudge'.

Choose the sentence that uses the phrase correctly. Choose beginner

Which sentence correctly uses 'to nurse a grudge'?

✓ Correct! ✗ Not quite. Correct answer: He decided to nurse a grudge against his noisy neighbors for months.

The phrase 'to nurse a grudge' means to hold onto resentment. The correct sentence uses it to describe someone holding onto anger towards their neighbors.

Find and fix the error in the sentence. Error Fix intermediate

Find and fix the mistake:

She continues to nurse a grudge about the promotion she didn't get.

✓ Correct! ✗ Not quite. Correct answer: She continues to nurse a grudge about the promotion she didn't get.

The sentence is already correct. 'To nurse a grudge' is the standard idiom for holding onto resentment.

Fill in the blank. Fill Blank intermediate

After the betrayal, she found it hard not to ______.

✓ Correct! ✗ Not quite. Correct answer: nurse a grudge

The context of 'betrayal' and 'hard not to' suggests holding onto negative feelings, which aligns with 'nursing a grudge'.

Translate the sentence into English. Translate intermediate

Il continue de nourrir sa rancune envers son ancien patron.

Hints: Nourrir means 'to feed' or 'to nourish'., Rancune means 'grudge' or 'resentment'.

✓ Correct! ✗ Not quite. Correct answer: He continues to nurse his grudge against his former boss.

The French verb 'nourrir' (to feed/nourish) is used similarly to the English 'nurse' in this context, implying the active maintenance of a negative feeling.

Find and fix the error in the sentence. Error Fix advanced

Find and fix the mistake:

He's still nursing a grudge about that comment from years ago, it's quite sad.

✓ Correct! ✗ Not quite. Correct answer: He's still nursing a grudge about that comment from years ago, it's quite sad.

The sentence correctly uses the idiom 'nursing a grudge' to describe someone holding onto past resentment.

Put the words in the correct order to form a sentence. Reorder advanced

Arrange the words in the correct order:

Click words above to build the sentence

✓ Correct! ✗ Not quite. Correct answer: She is still nursing a grudge.

This sentence structure correctly applies the idiom 'to nurse a grudge' to describe someone holding onto resentment.

Choose the sentence that uses the phrase correctly in a professional context. Choose advanced

Which sentence best uses 'to nurse a grudge' in a professional setting?

✓ Correct! ✗ Not quite. Correct answer: We need to ensure that no team member nurses a grudge after the restructuring.

In a professional context, it's important to address and prevent lingering resentment. This sentence highlights that need effectively.

🎉 Score: /8

Frequently Asked Questions

18 questions

It means to hold onto anger or resentment towards someone for a long time. It implies that you are actively keeping these negative feelings alive, perhaps by thinking about them often or letting them influence your attitude.

It's definitely a negative phrase. It describes an unhealthy emotional state where someone is unwilling or unable to let go of past grievances, which can be harmful to their own well-being and relationships.

Yes, absolutely! You can feel long-term resentment towards an organization, a political party, or even a whole group of people if you feel they have wronged you. The phrase still captures that active, lingering bitterness.

Use it when you want to describe someone who is persistently holding onto anger or bitterness about a past event. It's effective when the resentment seems to be actively maintained rather than just a fleeting emotion.

It's generally best to avoid it in very formal settings. While you might use it in the negative ('I assure you I don't nurse any grudges...'), the phrase itself leans informal and describes a negative emotion that professionals usually try to avoid expressing directly.

They are very similar, but 'nursing' suggests a more active, deliberate process of keeping the resentment alive, like tending to a wound. 'Holding' can sometimes imply a more passive state of simply possessing the grudge.

Yes, similar phrases include 'to hold a grudge', 'to bear a grudge', 'to harbor resentment', and 'to have a chip on your shoulder'. Each has slight nuances, but they all relate to lingering negative feelings.

In this context, 'nursing' means to care for, tend to, or keep something alive. Just like you might nurse a sick child or nurse a small flame, you are actively providing the 'care' needed to maintain the grudge.

Yes, it can often be used humorously when applied to trivial matters, like someone being upset over a minor inconvenience. This exaggeration highlights the absurdity of holding a long-term grudge over something small.

Typically, situations involving perceived betrayal, deep disappointment, unfair treatment, or significant loss can lead someone to nurse a grudge. It often stems from an event that caused substantial emotional pain or a feeling of injustice.

Constantly nursing a grudge can be detrimental to mental health. It can lead to increased stress, anxiety, bitterness, and difficulty forming positive relationships. It keeps a person mentally tied to past negative events.

A frequent mistake is using it for very short-term anger or annoyance. For example, saying 'I'm nursing a grudge because you took the last cookie' is usually an overstatement and sounds humorous rather than accurate.

While possible, the phrase strongly implies a *long-term* or persistent feeling. If it just happened today, you'd likely use simpler terms like 'I'm angry' or 'I'm upset'. 'Nursing' suggests it's been going on for a while.

The phrase reflects a cultural understanding that holding onto resentment is a choice and an active process. It carries a cautionary tone, suggesting that such actions are detrimental and perhaps unwise from a societal or personal well-being perspective.

It can be related, as nursing a grudge might fuel a desire for revenge. However, the phrase itself focuses on the internal state of holding onto resentment, not necessarily the external action of seeking retribution.

Absolutely! It's a common phrase used in literature, film, and theatre to describe characters who are driven by past wrongs. It effectively communicates a character's deep-seated bitterness and motivation.

An advanced nuance is recognizing that sometimes people 'nurse' grudges unconsciously. They may not even realize they're actively maintaining the resentment; it has become a default emotional pattern.

Stopping involves conscious effort. Practice forgiveness (even if it's just for yourself), focus on the present, engage in activities that bring joy, and perhaps talk to someone about your feelings to process them healthily.

Related Phrases

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to hold a grudge

synonym

To maintain resentment against someone.

This is the closest synonym, implying a similar state of sustained resentment, though 'nurse' suggests more active tending.

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to bear a grudge

synonym

To carry the burden of resentment.

Similar to holding a grudge, but 'bear' can imply a more passive carrying of the negative emotion.

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to have a chip on your shoulder

related topic

To feel resentful, often because you feel unfairly treated.

This phrase describes a state of resentment often linked to a sense of inferiority or past injustice, similar to nursing a grudge.

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to let bygones be bygones

antonym

To decide not to worry about past arguments or bad things.

This is the direct opposite of nursing a grudge, representing the act of forgiving and moving past negative feelings.

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to harbor resentment

synonym

To secretly hold onto feelings of bitterness or indignation.

This phrase is very close in meaning, emphasizing the hidden or internal nature of the sustained negative feelings.

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to get over something

related topic

To recover from an emotional upset or difficulty.

This phrase describes the process of healing from whatever caused the initial upset, which is the opposite of nursing a grudge.

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