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The War of the Bucket - OverSimplified
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Subtítulos (549 segmentos)
- [Narrator] Hey, you! Yeah, you!
New merch available now,
including a supremely uncool T-shirt
and a glorious new character pin.
Link in the description down below.
(angelic harp music)
"All right, folks, gather round.
I've got some good news and some bad news."
"Did you say good news and glad news?"
"No. I said good news and bad news, very bad news.
Word on the street is there's gonna be a horrible plague
coming in from Central Asia in the next couple decades
that'll wipe out half of Europe."
"What's the good news? Do you have a cure?"
"Please say you have a cure."
"No. Even better.
The good news is we've got a new bucket for the city well."
(crickets chirping)
(crowd cheering) (joyful music)
(loud boom)
To understand the War of the Bucket,
we first need to talk about this guy.
He's the man with the plan, the host with the most.
He's holy, lowly, he eats ravioli
with the white cassock, matching pellegrina,
and the most tasteful of fringed fascias.
Come on. Y'all know who I'm talking about.
It's the Pope, the head of the largest
religious organization in the world.
But what if I told you he wasn't always
the big, bad boy powerhouse he's often thought as today?
That's right.
Throughout history, the papacy often found itself forced
to wrestle against adversity and opposition
to retain its authority.
The earliest popes, for example,
suffered under the brutal persecution of the Roman Empire,
and many ended up martyred, such as Pope Clement I,
who was ostensibly thrown into the sea
with an anchor around his neck.
On the bright side, however,
he's now the patron saint of fishermen.
After persecution finally ended,
the Pope still found himself being heavily controlled
by secular kings and nobility.
For over two centuries the Byzantine Emperor
basically decided who could become Pope.
Then came a real low point,
during what has been cold in the Dark Age,
a period where noblewomen controlled the Pope through...
How should I put this? Feminine charm.
(whistles)
It was around here that one infamous Pope,
John XIII, took office.
This bad boy would hold...
How should I put this?
Naughty no-clothes parties in the Lateran Palace.
And, apparently, this would even happen:
"C'mon Zeus! Give me a six!
(dice rattling) (gasps)
Uh, did I say Zeus? I meant Thor.
(gasps)
Ra, the Egyptian sun god?
(gasps)
Dang it! Who is it we worship?"
"Perhaps you should read this, Your Holiness."
"In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth?
Wow! This is wild!"
Pope John XII eventually died exactly how he lived:
(door bangs)
caught in the act by an irate husband
who picked the pope up and took him out the window.
(explosion)
The point I'm trying to make here
is that often the Pope
was a very weak and corruptible figure
and was regularly used and controlled by secular leaders
as a tool to increase their own power and influence.
And there was certainly an element of that in the year 800,
when the Pope and the Kingdom of the Franks were good BFFs.
And king of the Franks, Charlemagne, was like,
"Hey, man, being King of the Franks is nice and all,
but I want more legitimacy
and also to become the continuation of the Roman Empire.
So what say in return for my protection
you crown me emperor so everyone will respect me more."
"Sure thing pal. We'll hold the ceremony tomorrow.
Charlemagne, King of the Franks,
I hereby crown you Emperor of the West."
"Oh! Oh my goodness!
I was not expecting this at all. What a surprise!
I simply cannot accept."
"Oh. Okay then.
I guess I'll just put this back over here."
"Give me that crown!"
Charlemagne's crowning as Emperor
was certainly an historic moment,
but it also created a bit of an interesting problem:
It set the precedent that, from here on out,
only the Pope could crown an emperor.
But the Pope was also very much under the influence
and control of Charlemagne.
So who really held the power here? The Pope or the Emperor?
I'm sure that this conflict won't cause anyone...
to die! (dramatic music)
"Bishop of Freising,
we want to thank you once again
for visiting our wonderful city.
It's been an honor."
"The pleasure is all mine.
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