By the by

You place this phrase at the very start of a sentence. It acts as a transition. First, finish your main point about the current topic. Then, drop a quick by the by. Finally, add your secondary piece of information. It works best when the new info is loosely related to the current topic. Think of it as a 'soft' version of by the way. It creates a pause that lets your audience catch their breath. Use it when you want to sound thoughtful rather than rushed. It's perfect for those 'oh, I almost forgot' moments in a conversation. Don't use it to drop a massive bombshell, though. That would be like putting a bowling ball in a silk sock.

This phrase sits comfortably in the 'neutral-to-formal' category. It is more sophisticated than the standard by the way. You will find it in literature, professional emails, and polite social gatherings. It carries a British, slightly academic vibe. If you use it in a casual text, you might sound a bit fancy. That isn't necessarily a bad thing! It can add a touch of charm to a mundane message. However, in a very formal legal document, it might be too conversational. Use it to bridge the gap between being professional and being friendly. It makes you sound like the kind of person who knows which fork to use at a fancy dinner.

Imagine you are finishing a Zoom call with your boss. You've discussed the quarterly goals. Just as you are about to hang up, you say, 'By the by, I’ll be out next Friday.' It feels less jarring than a blunt announcement. Or think about a travel vlog. The creator is talking about a museum. Then they say, 'By the by, the coffee shop next door is amazing.' It adds value without distracting from the main story. You might also see it in a polite Slack message. 'I've attached the report. By the by, did you see the new office cat?' It keeps the workplace vibe human and warm. It’s the ultimate tool for the 'hidden' PS in your speech.

Use it when you want to add a detail that isn't crucial. It’s perfect for social networking events. You can use it to mention a mutual friend after finishing business talk. It's also great for emails where you want to ask a small favor. Use it when you want to transition between two topics gracefully. If you feel like your conversation is getting too intense, use it to lighten the mood. It's a great way to show you are relaxed and in control. Use it when you want to sound like a native speaker with a broad vocabulary. It’s the 'smooth operator' of the English language.

Avoid using it for life-changing news. You wouldn't say, 'By the by, I'm moving to Mars tomorrow.' That's too casual for such a big event! Don't use it in high-stress, emergency situations. If the building is on fire, don't say, 'By the by, the exit is that way.' Just point and run! It’s also not suitable for very aggressive arguments. It sounds too polite for a shouting match. If you are using slang like lit or fam, by the by will feel out of place. It’s like wearing a tuxedo to a beach party. You’ll look cool, but everyone will be confused.

Don't mix it up with 'by and by.' That actually means 'eventually' or 'later.' It’s a very common trap! Another mistake is using it as a question. You can't just say 'By the by?' and wait for an answer. It must introduce information. Some people also forget the second the. Saying 'by the' or 'by by' sounds like you are saying goodbye to someone. Make sure you don't use it too many times in one chat. If you use it five times, you’ll sound like a malfunctioning robot from the 1920s. Stick to once per conversation for maximum effect. Accuracy is the name of the game here.

The most common cousin is by the way. Everyone knows that one. Then there is incidentally. That one is even more formal and academic. Parenthetically is the 'final boss' of this category. It’s very rare and sounds like a textbook. On the casual side, we have anyways or oh, also. These are fine for texting your best friend. In British English, you might hear as it happens. In very old books, you might see apropos of nothing. But by the by hits that perfect sweet spot. It is elegant without being arrogant. It's the Goldilocks of transitions.

Is it the same as 'by the way'? Yes, the meaning is nearly identical. However, by the by is more formal and sounds slightly more literate. Can I use it in an American context? Absolutely! While it has British roots, Americans use it to sound more articulate. Is it old-fashioned? A little bit, but that is part of its charm. It makes you stand out in a world of 'anyway.' Can I use it to start a conversation? Usually no. It is a bridge, so you need a 'first bank' to build from. It’s best used after you’ve already started talking about something else.