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Jon Stewart's Post-Kimmel Primer on Free Speech in the Glorious Trump Era | The Daily Show
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[MOTIVATIONAL MUSIC]
ANNOUNCER: From Comedy Central, it's
the all new, government-approved Daily Show
with your patriotically obedient host, Jon Stewart.
[INSPIRATIONAL MUSIC]
[WORDLESS SINGING]
# #
[CHEERING]
Hello.
Good evening.
[CHEERING]
My name is-- my name is Jon Stewart.
And welcome to The Daily Show on--
I'm going to guess Monday.
I don't know.
[LAUGHTER]
We have another fun, hilarious, administration-compliant show.
[LAUGHTER]
AUDIENCE: Aw.
What are you doing?
Shut up.
[LAUGHTER]
[BLEEP] blow this for us.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERING]
So we're-- we're coming to you tonight from a real shithole,
the crime-ridden cesspool that is New York City.
It is a tremendous disaster, like no one's ever seen before.
Someone's National Guard should invade this place.
Am I right?
Shut the [BLEEP] up.
[LAUGHTER]
If you felt a little off these past couple of days,
it's probably because our great father has not been home.
[LAUGHTER]
For Father has been gracing England
with his legendary warmth and radiance.
[LAUGHTER]
Gaze upon him with a gait even more
majestic than that of the royal horses that prance before him.
He wowed the English with charm,
intelligence, and an undeniable sexual charisma
that filled their air like a pheromone-packed London fog.
[LAUGHTER]
And as part of this historic trip,
the perfectly tinted Trump--
[LAUGHTER]
--dazzled his hosts at dinner with a demonstration
of unmatched oratory skill.
[LAUGHTER]
He didn't have to look down once--
[LAUGHTER]
--completely off book as he name-checked
his favorite authors from the top of his head.
[LAUGHTER]
Trump employing restraint not to quote verbatim
these great authors our president
has devoured voraciously--
incredible people, indeed.
[LAUGHTER]
I'll tell you whose client list Trump's name is on--
Dewey Decimal's.
[LAUGHTER]
But of course, as great as those authors are,
there can only be one most tremendous author
in the English language.
And I think we know that that author begins with a T
and ends in key.
[LAUGHTER]
Oh, how fortune has smiled upon us, for that very scribe
is also our dear leader.
The whole room is enthralled.
[LAUGHTER]
That's resting interest face.
[LAUGHTER]
It was a most beautiful recitation, Mr. President.
It brings me to tears, almost as much
as your favorite poem about that man from Nantucket--
[LAUGHTER]
--and the variety of things that man
can do that rhyme with tucket.
[LAUGHTER]
Although, Mr. President, if I may humbly, I beg of you,
take a small detour off this highway of adoration
you have so richly earned for a bit
of a comic repast, um, what the [BLEEP] is on this guy's head?
[LAUGHTER]
Hang all the mistletoe you want,
Earl of Higgin Hoffenballum.
[LAUGHTER]
Our president's luscious lips shall
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