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Trump’s Mixed Messages About War in Iran, He Gets a Vigorous Stroking by Tech CEOs & His Gross Rash
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Everybody, I'm Julian. I'm the host.
Thanks for watching. Thank you for
JOINING US HERE IN OUR HOME IN beautiful
Hollywood of California. We have a lot
of things to get to tonight. Uh it seems
like we have a lot of things to get to
every night. And that that wasn't always
the case. Just for fun, I went back. I
looked at one of our monologues from
2011. You remember 2011? It was a
simpler time. These were the topics on
our show 15 years ago tonight. Uh NBC
announced that Christina Aguilera would
be a judge on The Voice. Lindseay
Lohan's dad was rumored to be joining
the gang at Celebrity Rehab. A sophomore
at BYU was kicked off the basketball
team for having sex with his girlfriend.
And there was a new episode of Jersey
Shore in which the situation hooks up
with a girl who seems to have a strange
odor.
Now we got war pedophiles and measles.
Oh my, it's We also have, you know, the
weather's different than it used to. It
seems to be a lot colder on the east
coast and a lot warmer in the west.
We've had we've had such beautiful
weather here the last two weeks. I've
almost been scared to mention I feel
like the rest of the country hates us
enough already, but it has been in the
high 70s. Been sunny and it has been as
cold as Melania's heart everywhere else.
This is from Rhode Island where even
kids have had enough of snow. cuz I'm so
sick of snow on this.
>> That's what you call an old soul.
There were primary elections in North
Carolina, Arkansas, and Texas yesterday.
Democrats are hoping to win their first
Senate seat in the Lone Star State since
1988. James Terico won the primary there
last night. He beat out the author of
Bleach Blonde, Bad Built, Butch Body,
Jasmine Crockett. Uh, Taller Rico will
now face the winner of a runoff between
the incumbent Senator John Cornin and
his opponent, Texas Attorney General Ken
Paxton, seen here dying before our eyes.
This is Ken P. This guy has quite a list
of accomplishments as attorney general.
He faced 20 different articles of
impeachment. He was indicted for three
felonies. He's been sued by the SEC.
He's threatened with disbarment. and his
wife, a woman he started a church with,
divorced him for cheating with a Senate
aid. Oh, you forget the Senate. With a
resume like that, you could run for
president of the United States. Of
course, Paxton is tight with Trump
because only the best people Democrats
fit uh flipped a state legislature seat
in Arkansas yesterday. That makes more
than two dozen seats in various state
legislators. They have flipped since
Trump took office last year. Whereas the
number of seats that have gone from blue
to red now totals zero nationwide. I'm
beginning to see why Trump dislikes
these elections so much. The president
got a vigorous stroking at the White
House today. He had a meeting of
executives from Google, Microsoft,
Amazon Meta, and Open AI who gathered to
gravel at his feet. If you're the CEO of
a big tech company, your schedule seems
to alternate between partying on a super
yacht and frenching the president's ass.
There's no in between. So, he had the
tech bros sign a pledge that says they
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