가는 말이 고와야 오는 말이 곱다
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Kind words outgoing, kind words incoming
Phrase in 30 Seconds
A timeless Korean proverb teaching that the kindness you put into your words determines the kindness you receive in return.
- Means: If you speak kindly to others, they will naturally respond with kindness.
- Used in: Parenting, workplace conflicts, and teaching basic social etiquette to children.
- Don't confuse: It's not about physical actions, but specifically about the quality of speech.
Explanation at your level:
Signification
If you speak kindly to others, they will speak kindly to you; good words beget good words.
Contexte culturel
In Korea, the use of honorifics ({존댓말|尊待話}) is a practical application of this proverb. Using the correct level of politeness is the first step in ensuring a 'beautiful' outgoing word. The proverb aligns with the Confucian concept of 'Ren' (benevolence). Speaking kindly is seen as a duty to maintain social order and respect hierarchy. The Korean government and schools often run 'Beautiful Speech' campaigns to combat cyberbullying, using this proverb as their main slogan. In Korean business, the 'vibe' of a meeting is often set by the initial small talk. This proverb guides professionals to be humble and polite to ensure a smooth negotiation.
Use it to de-escalate
If someone is being slightly rude, saying this proverb with a smile can often shame them into being more polite without you having to be aggressive.
The power of 'Gopda'
Remember that 'Gopda' is a very positive, warm word. Using it shows you value the aesthetic beauty of social harmony.
Signification
If you speak kindly to others, they will speak kindly to you; good words beget good words.
Use it to de-escalate
If someone is being slightly rude, saying this proverb with a smile can often shame them into being more polite without you having to be aggressive.
The power of 'Gopda'
Remember that 'Gopda' is a very positive, warm word. Using it shows you value the aesthetic beauty of social harmony.
Don't sound preachy
If you say this to someone much older than you, it might sound like you are lecturing them. Use it carefully with superiors.
Teste-toi
Fill in the blanks to complete the proverb.
가는 ( )이 고와야 ( )는 말이 곱다.
The proverb is '가는 말이 고와야 오는 말이 곱다.'
Which situation best fits the proverb '가는 말이 고와야 오는 말이 곱다'?
상황: 지수가 친구에게 화를 내며 소리를 질렀더니, 친구도 지수에게 소리를 질렀습니다.
The proverb explains that the way you speak to others determines how they speak to you.
Complete the dialogue using the proverb.
가: 저 직원은 왜 저렇게 불친절할까요? 나: 손님이 먼저 반말로 소리를 지르셨잖아요. ( ).
The context is about the relationship between the customer's rude speech and the staff's response.
🎉 Score : /3
Aides visuelles
Questions fréquentes
5 questionsYes, although they might use it ironically or in specific contexts like gaming, the core message is still very much a part of modern Korean life.
It's a bit too informal for a direct email, but you could use it in a speech or a presentation about team building.
'친절하다' is the modern word for 'kind.' '곱다' is more traditional and implies a sense of beauty, softness, and refinement.
Absolutely! In fact, it's often cited when people discuss 'Kakaotalk' etiquette.
Yes, '売り言葉に買い言葉' in Japanese is the negative version. In Korean, people just say the proverb to warn against the negative cycle.
Expressions liées
말 한마디에 천 냥 빚도 갚는다
similarA single word can repay a huge debt.
웃는 낯에 침 못 뱉는다
similarYou can't spit on a smiling face.
발 없는 말이 천 리 간다
builds onWords without feet travel a thousand miles (rumors spread fast).
말이 씨가 된다
similarWords become seeds.
Où l'utiliser
Parenting
Child: 동생이 제 장난감을 망가뜨렸어요! 바보 같아요!
Mother: 지수야, 가는 말이 고와야 오는 말이 곱다고 했지? 예쁘게 말해봐.
Workplace Conflict
Manager: 김 대리님, 아까 회의에서 너무 공격적이었어요.
Employee: 죄송합니다. 가는 말이 고와야 오는 말이 곱다는 걸 깜빡했네요.
Customer Service
Customer: 항상 친절하게 응대해 주셔서 감사합니다.
Staff: 아니에요. 고객님이 가는 말을 곱게 해 주셔서 저도 즐겁게 일할 수 있었습니다.
Online Gaming
Player A: 야, 너 왜 그렇게 못해? 진짜 짜증 나네.
Player B: 가는 말이 고와야 오는 말이 곱지. 욕하지 말고 게임이나 해.
Dating
Boyfriend: 너 오늘 왜 이렇게 늦었어? 짜증 나.
Girlfriend: 미안해, 근데 말투가 너무 심하다. 가는 말이 고와야 오는 말이 고운 거 알지?
Negotiating at a Market
Shopper: 사장님, 이거 조금만 깎아주세요~ 네?
Vendor: 아이고, 말을 참 예쁘게 하시네! 가는 말이 고와야 오는 말이 곱다고, 하나 더 드릴게!
Memorize It
Mnemonic
Think of 'Ganeun' (Going) and 'Oneun' (Coming) as a tennis match. If you serve a 'Gopda' (Beautiful) ball, you get a 'Gopda' return.
Visual Association
Imagine a person speaking flowers into a mirror. The reflection speaks flowers back. If the person speaks thorns, the reflection speaks thorns.
Rhyme
Ganeun mari gowaya, oneun mari gopda! (The rhythm is 4-3-4-3 in Korean syllables, making it very catchy).
Story
Once, a grumpy traveler entered a village and shouted, 'Hey, where's the food?' The villagers ignored him. A kind traveler entered and said, 'Excuse me, could you help me find a meal?' The villagers gave him a feast. The kind traveler knew: 가는 말이 고와야 오는 말이 곱다.
Word Web
Défi
Try to use '고운 말' (beautiful words) for the next 5 hours. If someone is rude to you, respond with kindness and see if the proverb holds true.
In Other Languages
Obras son amores, y no buenas razones
Spanish focuses more on actions, while Korean focuses specifically on the quality of speech.
On récolte ce que l'on sème
The French version is an agricultural metaphor for all actions, not just words.
Wie man in den Wald hineinruft, so schallt es heraus
German uses a forest echo metaphor, while Korean uses the 'going and coming' of words.
売り言葉に買い言葉 (Uri kotoba ni kai kotoba)
The Japanese phrase is almost exclusively used for negative exchanges/arguments.
كما تدين تدان (Kama tudinu tudan)
The Arabic version has a stronger sense of divine or ultimate justice.
礼尚往来 (Lǐ shàng wǎng lái)
The Chinese version is more formal and covers gifts and favors as well as words.
말 한마디에 천 냥 빚도 갚는다
Focuses on the *value* of words rather than the *reciprocity* of words.
Gentileza gera gentileza
It is a more modern, direct statement rather than an ancient agricultural proverb.
Easily Confused
Both start with '가는' (Ganeun).
Remember that '말' (mal) means word, while '날' (nal) means day. 'Jang-nal' is market day (bad timing).
FAQ (5)
Yes, although they might use it ironically or in specific contexts like gaming, the core message is still very much a part of modern Korean life.
It's a bit too informal for a direct email, but you could use it in a speech or a presentation about team building.
'친절하다' is the modern word for 'kind.' '곱다' is more traditional and implies a sense of beauty, softness, and refinement.
Absolutely! In fact, it's often cited when people discuss 'Kakaotalk' etiquette.
Yes, '売り言葉に買い言葉' in Japanese is the negative version. In Korean, people just say the proverb to warn against the negative cycle.
