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B1 Intermediate English 25:02 Educational

Top 5 Most-Watched Live Sketches | Season 49 | Saturday Night Live

Saturday Night Live · 21,884,397 views · Added 1 month ago

Learning Stats

B1

CEFR Level

5/10

Difficulty

Subtitles (488 segments)

00:00

-Sir...

00:01

[ Laughter ]

00:03

[ Cheers and applause ]

00:18

[ Cheers and applause ]

00:20

Kindly -- Kindly move seats.

00:25

[ Laughter ]

00:27

-She's talking to you.

00:30

-Oh, I'm sorry. Me?

00:37

-Okay, everyone,

00:38

thanks for coming to this mandatory HR meeting.

00:41

-Let's make some noise!

00:45

-O...kay.

00:47

Let's start with workplace relationships.

00:49

Generally, we discourage it, but, of course,

00:51

it happens, so we have a few rules.

00:53

-Yes, like, you can ask a co-worker out once,

00:56

but if they say no, you cannot ask them again.

00:59

-So, wait. Question. I can ask anyone out one time?

01:03

-I guess technically, yes.

01:05

-Sweet. Laurel, will you go out with me?

01:09

-Uh, no.

01:10

-So that's it, then? Like, that door is closed

01:13

until it resets at the end of the year?

01:17

-No. It doesn't reset.

01:19

-Okay. I think I understand.

01:21

I can't ask Laurel out again,

01:23

which means I have to move on to my second choice.

01:26

Carly, will you go out with me?

01:28

-Don't love that you called me your second choice, but sure.

01:32

-See, this is interesting,

01:34

because I don't want to go out with Carly.

01:37

So can I take that "yes" and bank it and use it on Laurel?

01:41

-There's no banking it. It's not a game show.

01:45

-Excuse me. I have a query.

01:48

-Okay, Eric, what is it?

01:50

-Are we allowed to ask women if they are ticklish?

01:54

-No.

01:56

-Oh, so you're saying I can just go ahead and try?

01:57

Tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle!

01:58

-Eric, cut your nails!

02:00

-No!

02:03

-Another question.

02:04

So, we all know Clark is gay, right?

02:08

-Nope. Only told you.

02:10

-Well, now that we all know Clark is gay,

02:12

which I'm personally fine with,

02:14

but since Clark is never going to ask a woman out

02:17

due to his condition,

02:19

does that mean I can buy Clark's asks?

02:23

-Sure, 20 bucks a pop. -Great.

02:24

Here's, uh...

02:26

It's like $1,500.

02:29

-Why do you have so much cash on you?

02:31

-'Cause I go to the strip club at lunch.

02:34

-That's where I know you from.

02:37

-Okay, you guys work together.

02:40

-Laurel, I love you. I think you're smoking hot.

02:43

Will you go out with me?

02:45

-Still no.

02:47

-Ah! Back to silver.

02:50

Carly.

02:51

-I can't believe I'm saying this, but yes.

02:55

-See? That's what I don't like about you.

02:57

You want it too much.

03:00

Okay, I'm just going to bank Carly's yes.

03:02

Is that cool with everybody? -Yeah. Works for me.

03:05

-Okay. -No, no.

03:06

No banking yeses.

03:08

-Um, yeah, well, we have a query.

03:11

-Okay, why are you all using the word "query"?

03:15

-Well, me and Robert

03:17

have been secretly hooking up for five months.

03:20

Is it bad that I'm his direct superior?

03:23

-Yes, that's obviously bad.

03:26

-Uh-huh. Does it help that I'm just doing it to get a raise?

03:31

-That does not help, no.

03:33

-Okay, we're just going to go ahead and wrap this up.

03:36

-Wait. Can I say something?

03:39

I learned something important today.

03:41

An office is a sacred place, and office relationships are tough.

03:46

But you can only ask someone out once,

03:48

and if they say no, that's it.

03:50

-Okay, that's literally the only thing we've covered today.

03:55

-But here's something you didn't cover.

03:57

You can bank yeses, and they roll over every year.

04:02

-And over time, they accrue interest.

04:05

-And you can trade in your Christmas bonus for 20 new asks.

04:11

-And booty khakis are okay.

04:14

-No, they are not.

04:16

-No, that was never okay. -Never.

04:19

[ Cheers and applause ]

04:24

-Okay, let's see what I made in tips today.

04:27

$40, $41. 42 bucks. Not bad.

04:32

-Damn. I made $39. So close.

04:35

-Well, looks like I'm the tip queen tonight.

04:37

[ Laughs ] How about you, new girl?

04:39

-Oh! Let me see.

04:40

-Yeah, how much tips did you make?

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