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Top 5 Most-Watched Live Sketches | Season 49 | Saturday Night Live
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-Sir...
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
Kindly -- Kindly move seats.
[ Laughter ]
-She's talking to you.
-Oh, I'm sorry. Me?
-Okay, everyone,
thanks for coming to this mandatory HR meeting.
-Let's make some noise!
-O...kay.
Let's start with workplace relationships.
Generally, we discourage it, but, of course,
it happens, so we have a few rules.
-Yes, like, you can ask a co-worker out once,
but if they say no, you cannot ask them again.
-So, wait. Question. I can ask anyone out one time?
-I guess technically, yes.
-Sweet. Laurel, will you go out with me?
-Uh, no.
-So that's it, then? Like, that door is closed
until it resets at the end of the year?
-No. It doesn't reset.
-Okay. I think I understand.
I can't ask Laurel out again,
which means I have to move on to my second choice.
Carly, will you go out with me?
-Don't love that you called me your second choice, but sure.
-See, this is interesting,
because I don't want to go out with Carly.
So can I take that "yes" and bank it and use it on Laurel?
-There's no banking it. It's not a game show.
-Excuse me. I have a query.
-Okay, Eric, what is it?
-Are we allowed to ask women if they are ticklish?
-No.
-Oh, so you're saying I can just go ahead and try?
Tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle!
-Eric, cut your nails!
-No!
-Another question.
So, we all know Clark is gay, right?
-Nope. Only told you.
-Well, now that we all know Clark is gay,
which I'm personally fine with,
but since Clark is never going to ask a woman out
due to his condition,
does that mean I can buy Clark's asks?
-Sure, 20 bucks a pop. -Great.
Here's, uh...
It's like $1,500.
-Why do you have so much cash on you?
-'Cause I go to the strip club at lunch.
-That's where I know you from.
-Okay, you guys work together.
-Laurel, I love you. I think you're smoking hot.
Will you go out with me?
-Still no.
-Ah! Back to silver.
Carly.
-I can't believe I'm saying this, but yes.
-See? That's what I don't like about you.
You want it too much.
Okay, I'm just going to bank Carly's yes.
Is that cool with everybody? -Yeah. Works for me.
-Okay. -No, no.
No banking yeses.
-Um, yeah, well, we have a query.
-Okay, why are you all using the word "query"?
-Well, me and Robert
have been secretly hooking up for five months.
Is it bad that I'm his direct superior?
-Yes, that's obviously bad.
-Uh-huh. Does it help that I'm just doing it to get a raise?
-That does not help, no.
-Okay, we're just going to go ahead and wrap this up.
-Wait. Can I say something?
I learned something important today.
An office is a sacred place, and office relationships are tough.
But you can only ask someone out once,
and if they say no, that's it.
-Okay, that's literally the only thing we've covered today.
-But here's something you didn't cover.
You can bank yeses, and they roll over every year.
-And over time, they accrue interest.
-And you can trade in your Christmas bonus for 20 new asks.
-And booty khakis are okay.
-No, they are not.
-No, that was never okay. -Never.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Okay, let's see what I made in tips today.
$40, $41. 42 bucks. Not bad.
-Damn. I made $39. So close.
-Well, looks like I'm the tip queen tonight.
[ Laughs ] How about you, new girl?
-Oh! Let me see.
-Yeah, how much tips did you make?
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