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Henry VIII - OverSimplified
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(medieval orchestra music) - (gags) Sigmund,
I don't have much longer.
Tell me, was I a good King?
- Ugh, you were okay.
- Will I be remembered
as the great warrior king who invaded France,
revolutionized English healthcare,
and developed great park lands?
- Um, probably not.
- 'Cause of the wife killings?
- 'Cause of the wife killings.
- (gags)
(takes bite)
Sigmund, how did I get here?
I still remember the good old days when I was a boy
with a heart full of fire
and Mummy would teach me. (dreamy harp music)
(whimsical clarinet music) - Okay, Henry,
this is a horse.
Can you say horse?
- Ho, ho, divorce!
- What, no.
Okay, let's try this one.
Can you say loaf of bread?
- Ll, off with her head!
- No, Henry, that's wrong!
You know what, last one.
Okay, can you say soap?
Soap!
- Sss, sss.
- Yes. That's it.
- I'm the supreme head of the church!
Screw the Pope!
- You know what?
You're my son and I love you,
but you're freaking weird, man.
(light orchestra music)
(upbeat music) - [Narrator] The year is 1491.
England has just come out of three decades
of civil war in which a bunch of Henrys, Edwards,
and one Richard had a little ding dong
over which Royal house should rule the round.
Finally, a Henry won, Henry VII, and he had a son.
(whimsical orchestra music) - What should we name him?
- My Royal lineage is full of Henrys,
a fine name, a vigorous name,
a tenacious name, a muscular name.
- How about Arthur?
- [Narrator] And so Arthur, Prince of Wales,
and next in line to the throne was born.
Five years later, Prince Henry was born,
but nobody cares about him.
He's not the heir, just a spare.
the King wanted to make an Alliance with Spain.
So one day, he said to his son, Arthur, "Hey, baby,
"you see that lady, baby?
"That's going to be your wife."
- But father, I'm not even three years old yet.
- Listen, there's something you have to understand.
You're my son,
but more than that, you're a political bargaining tool.
- But you love me, right?
- I love you as a political bargaining tool.
- Yay.
- Hey, pop.
- Who the heck are you?
- I've written you a poem.
- Listen here, tiny man, can't you see that I'm busy?
- But I'm your son.
- I have another son?
- [Narrator] as Arthur was in another palace being prepped
to become King, (medieval orchestra music)
Henry lived with his mother and two sisters at Eltham,
where he was being trained for a church career,
and not just that, Henry learnt languages.
He played sports.
He learned the recorder.
What a nerd.
Am I right?
Wrong, Henry was the coolest kid around.
(mellow jazz music)
- So I told my Latin teacher he could kissius my buttius.
(audience laughing)
Anyway, here's Wonderwall.
(crowd cheering)
(upbeat xylophone music) - Great scholars
and theologians from across Europe came to meet
and teach the young Prince Henry,
who by all accounts was a very enlightened, bright,
and charming young boy.
(crowd cheering) Everybody loved Henry,
and out of everything Henry was taught more than anything,
he came to adore and respect theology and Catholicism.
One of Henry's tutors was English poet Laureate,
John Skelton, who wrote a textbook for Henry
that we still have today.
In it, he wrote a number of important lessons
for the young Prince, such as, "Do not be mean,"
"loathe gluttony,"
and "Do not violate widows,"
important lessons for any nine-year-old boy.
(medieval orchestra music) Around this time,
Henry's older brother, Arthur,
now 15-years-old, was married to Catherine of Aragon
sealing the union between England and Spain,
(crowd cheers)
and then he died. (crowd groans)
(sad organ music) - Oh, my alliance with Spain.
My poor, poor alliance with Spain.
- And your son, sire?
- Oh yes, of course, my son,
but mostly my alliance with Spain.
- Hey, pop.
- Who the heck are you?
Oh yeah!
(whimsical orchestra music) - And just like that,
an unprepared Prince Henry was now the new heir
to the throne.
And how about that alliance with Spain?
Well, the solution was simple.
- Hey, Boy, see that full grown woman over there?
That's gonna be your wife.
- What, my brother's widow?
- Yes.
- You're a fricking weirdo, man.
- [Narrator] Now, in the Bible,
there's a verse that says marrying your brother's widow,
that's a big no-no.
So the King needed to convince the Pope
and get his special permission.
- Hey, can I please have my son marry his brother's widow?
- Eh, sure, why not?
- [Narrator] And so it was.
Henry's life was turned on its head
as he was moved to the Royal court
next in line to the throne,
but tragedy struck when just a few months later,
his mother with whom he was very close,
suddenly died in childbirth.
The loss of his mother almost certainly had a big effect
on the young boy.
(inquisitive orchestra music) In his older years,
King Henry VII went on a bit of a paranoid trip.
As was normal for a King at the time,
Henry VII had had to quell a number of rebellions,
and as he aged, he became ever more suspicious
of the nobility around him.
To keep them in check, he began levying huge ruinous fines
left, right, and center.
Dukes, Bishops, Barons, even his own mother,
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