s'apitoyer

§ Don't confuse s'apitoyer with avoir pitié

Many learners, understandably, mix up s'apitoyer and avoir pitié de. While both relate to pity, their meanings are distinct. Avoir pitié de quelqu'un means 'to feel pity for someone else'. It's about compassion for another person's misfortune. S'apitoyer, on the other hand, is reflexive and always about feeling sorry for oneself.

§ Incorrectly using 'de' after s'apitoyer

Another common mistake is to add 'de' after s'apitoyer when trying to specify what one is feeling sorry about. While avoir pitié often takes 'de' (e.g., avoir pitié de quelqu'un), s'apitoyer doesn't follow the same structure when you want to describe the situation. Instead, you typically use sur.

Incorrect:

Elle s'apitoye de sa situation.

Correct:

Elle s'apitoye sur sa situation. (She feels sorry for herself about her situation.)

When specifying the reason for self-pity, use sur (on/about). For example:

• S'apitoyer sur son sort (to feel sorry for oneself about one's fate/lot)
• S'apitoyer sur ses malheurs (to feel sorry for oneself about one's misfortunes)

§ Using s'apitoyer too generally

Remember that s'apitoyer specifically carries the nuance of feeling sorry for oneself, often in a somewhat indulgent or excessive way. It's not a general term for sadness or disappointment. If you want to express general sadness, other verbs like être triste, déçu(e), or regretter are more appropriate.

Incorrect:

Je m'apitoye que le film soit fini. (I feel sorry for myself that the movie is over.)

Correct:

Je suis triste que le film soit fini. (I am sad that the movie is over.)

§ Conjugation of s'apitoyer

As a reflexive verb, s'apitoyer requires the correct reflexive pronoun (me, te, se, nous, vous, se) before the verb, and the verb itself conjugates like a regular -er verb. Don't forget this crucial element!

Present Tense Example:

Je m'apitoye (I feel sorry for myself)
Tu t'apitoyes (You feel sorry for yourself)
Il/Elle/On s'apitoye (He/She/One feels sorry for himself/herself/oneself)
Nous nous apitoyons (We feel sorry for ourselves)
Vous vous apitoyez (You feel sorry for yourselves)
Ils/Elles s'apitoyent (They feel sorry for themselves)