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Nate Bargatze Stand-Up Monologue - SNL
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LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, NATE
BARGATZE!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>>> THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
IT'S VERY EXCITING.
IT'S CRAZY.
I'M AS -- LOOK, IF YOU'RE AT
HOME, I'M AS SHOCKED AS YOU ARE
THAT I'M HERE.
I'VE COME TO THIS BUILDING FOR A
LONG TIME, SO IT'S UNREAL TO BE
HERE AT "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE."
IT'S CRAZY.
IT'S ALL RIGHT THERE.
MY NAME IS NATE BARGATZE.
I'M FROM TENNESSEE.
I'M ALSO FROM THE 1900s.
AND --
[ LAUGHTER ]
I JUST THINK YOU GOT TO SAY IT.
LIKE THE WORLD IS SO FUTURE NOW.
AND I FEEL IN THE WAY OF IT.
HOTELS, HOTELS ARE FUTURISTIC.
YOU TAKE A SHOWER, THE SHOWER'S
ENCLOSED.
BUT NOW A LOT OF HOTELS HAVE
HALF A GLASS, AND WATER GETS ON
THE FLOOR.
AND THAT'S THE FUTURE.
THAT'S WHAT THE FUTURE -- THAT'S
WHAT THEY WANT.
AND, YOU KNOW, I WOULD LIKE A
WHOLE -- THEY DO HALF A GLASS
BECAUSE I'M STILL ALIVE, SO
THEY'RE LIKE -- THEY DON'T WANT
TO HEAR ME GOING WHERE'S THE
GLASS AT, SO THEY DO HALF A
GLASS.
IN THE FUTURE, THE FLOOR IS
ALWAYS WET, EVERY FLOOR.
I MEAN, I THINK -- I'M 44.
MY DAUGHTER'S 11.
WHEN SHE'S MY AGE, IT'LL BE
I DON'T EVEN BELIEVE THAT'S A
REAL YEAR.
MY MOVIES DIDN'T GO THAT HIGH IN
FAKE YEARS.
HOW AM I GOING TO TALK TO
SOMEONE FROM 2057?
I HAVE MORE IN COMMON WITH A
PILGRIM.
[ LAUGHTER ]
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