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B1 Intermediate English 7:16 Educational

Best of: John Mulaney | Netflix Is A Joke

Netflix Is A Joke · 7,007,019 views · Added 1 month ago

Learning Stats

B1

CEFR Level

5/10

Difficulty

Subtitles (200 segments)

00:00

- Being married's so nice.

00:01

I never knew relationships

00:02

were supposed to make you feel better about yourself.

00:04

(audience laughing) That's not really a joke,

00:06

that's just a little sweet thing I like to say.

00:08

(audience laughing)

00:09

'Cause I've been in relationships

00:10

where I got cheated on, like long ones.

00:12

I dunno if you've ever been in a long relationship

00:14

where you got cheated on,

00:15

but it changes your whole world view.

00:17

'Cause like when I was a kid,

00:18

I used to watch America's Most Wanted,

00:20

you know how kids do.

00:21

(audience laughing)

00:22

And I would always think to myself,

00:24

"How could another person kill someone?

00:26

"How could a human being kill another human being?"

00:30

And then I got cheated on,

00:31

and I was like, "Oh, okay."

00:33

(audience laughing)

00:36

"I'm not gonna do it, but I totally get it."

00:38

And I don't mean in that way of like,

00:40

"No one else can have you",

00:41

like I don't care about that,

00:42

it's just creepy to have an ex out there

00:44

after things have ended badly.

00:46

They have a lot of information.

00:48

Anyone who's seen my dick and met my parents

00:50

needs to die, I can't have them roaming around.

00:53

(audience laughing)

00:54

Strange, the passage of time.

00:56

(audience laughing)

00:57

I'm not that old, I'm 35.

00:59

That is not old, but I am in a new phase

01:02

right before old, called gross.

01:04

(audience laughing)

01:06

I never knew about this, but I am now gross.

01:10

I am damp all the time.

01:13

I am damp now, and I will be damp later.

Full subtitles available in the video player

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