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Things We Do When Nobody Is Looking! | Michael McIntyre Stand Up Comedy
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popcorn the the noisiest of foods
why do we eat popcorn in the cinema and
isn't it amazing how we eat popcorn as
well you lose
all dignity when you know that nobody
can see you
look what happens to our behavior when
we know no one's watching the lights are
off the popcorn's there just flick it
near your face
you don't really care if it lands in or
out because you know no one's looking
and if you miss your face
you can pick it off your body later
you wouldn't do this with the lights on
in public on a first date
after that new potato
i love all that awkwardness because
people get very upset when people don't
arrive to their seats in chronological
order
people want people to arrive and there's
nothing worse than having to stand
because you know when there are seats
available you can't relax sooner or
later they might come
don't settle in yet here they come and
they keep walking wasn't there maybe a
soon
and then when they do come you have
options either you stand or you twizzle
now this is a split second decision you
have to judge the dimensions of the
human
very quickly and go twizzle sometimes
you [ __ ] up you twizzle they wedged in
back up i should have stood
sometimes people just sort of arch their
back which doesn't help at all
but they want to show that they've made
some kind of effort
they just go does that help
flip seat i had somebody on the tube
lead all the way to the seat with their
ass so they wouldn't waste time it was
me and him against each other for a seat
and i turned and he wasn't wasting
valuable seconds turning
he went all the way down the carriage
with his arms
you shouldn't have turned my friend you
turned you loose
you've got to be careful now you said
you sit incorrectly your body will
punish you
you'll be punished by the pins and
needles right you sit incorrectly you
cut off some this is obviously sitting
incorrectly you cut off some kind of
blood flow
and then your leg will die and then
you'll feel a tingling and then you can
you'd start you there's nothing you can
do it's irreversible
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Michael McIntyre
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