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Bill Burr on Women for 20 minutes straight.
Learning Stats
CEFR Level
Difficulty
Subtitles (557 segments)
i feel i love women but you know what
i'm finding i'm not compatible with them
you know
i'm serious
women have like too much energy for me
that's what i've noticed you know like
you can't have a day off when you have a
girlfriend
they just like see that open day they're
like oh my god let's go fill it up with
some stuff
no and then they just come at you with
one horrible idea after another
horrible ideas like you want to make
some sandwiches and go to the park
every one of the ideas involves like
walking around like looking at stuff
it's almost like they're trying to wear
you down
after like two or three stores you're
like leaning on stuff i don't care
just buy something i don't care
you know what the worst one is
you ever get that one you want to go to
brunch
you want to go to branch on sunday
and inside you're like now
but you can't say that you got to keep
them happy right that's what they do
you're like yeah let's go to brunch
what a great idea
why would you want to sleep in on a
sunday when you can go pay 18 for eggs
now you think it
now you're thinking
then we can sit around and listen to
your friends have moronic conversations
about the eggs like is that pesto
is that pesto in your omelet
oh it's asparagus
it's asparagus i thought it was texture
oh you just want to flip the whole table
over
and just run out of there
so
i was dating this girl recently this
girl's like really like into like
women's issues
she got me his book on women's live one
time right so i'm reading this thing i
think women's live was a great thing
like back in the 70s i thought it was
cool you know over the last couple years
though i think that whole women's
movement it's really starting to morph
into kind of like this reverse pimping
kind of thing you know
because every time you see them on tv
they always say all we want is be
treated exactly like guys right but if
you listen to them they don't they only
want the good stuff of being a guy
they look at a guy's life like it's like
a buffet
like you just can start picking out
stuff like same amount an hour we'll
take some of that pay for the movie
that's okay you can keep that one i like
that one
this is nice that's yucky that's icky
come on people you can't choose
this girl gave me a rough time one time
she goes well why does a guy make more
an hour to do the exact same job i go
i'll tell you why because in the
unlikely event that we're both on a
titanic and it starts to sink for some
screwed up reason you get to leave with
the kids and i have to stay
[Applause]
no that's why i get the dollar more an
hour
you know if there's a house fire it's
always women and children first
i gotta stand there with like the back
of my shirt on fire go let's go people
let's go let's go
so that's how i look at it
no it's a dollar an hour surcharge
seriously that if something screwed up
happens either i can't leave or i gotta
like get in the way of it to give you a
head start like rabid dog run honey one
mississippi two mississippi
you hear a bump in the night i gotta go
check it out like yes he does have a
knife
[Applause]
no i don't think a woman should make a
doll less an hour to do the exact same
job okay i'm not saying that all i'm
saying is if you're gonna make what i
make when the boat sinks you better be
standing right there next to me listen
to that guy play the cello then you get
the corner office
i don't got a problem you got all the
benefits
that's why i didn't like that movie the
titanic you know you know i hate about
that movie every girl i meet thinks that
movie's romantic like my god that was so
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