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Trump's State of the Union, RFK Jr.'s Unhinged Cocaine Confession: Late Night News of the Week
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-And now, if you don't mind, we're gonna get to the news.
President Trump is set tomorrow night
to deliver the first State of the Union address
of his second term.
No one knows yet whether he'll give
the traditional speech of around 90 minutes
or just show this picture
and walk off.
[ Laughter ]
I mean, what else do you need to know
about the state of the old union?
[ Laughter ]
A video has gained attention online
that shows FBI Director Kash Patel
partying and chugging a beer
in the locker room after the US men's
Olympic hockey team's victory over Canada.
Look at him.
He looks like a Make-A-Wish kid
whose wish was
to look even smaller.
[ Laughter ]
Secret Service will reportedly issue agents new suits
after Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem criticized
her bodyguards' attire.
Wait. She's giving fashion advice?
[ Laughter ]
Will they be shopping from the same
Spirit Halloween?
[ Laughter ]
Workers in Washington, D.C., last week
hung a large banner of President Trump
on the Justice Department headquarters.
And I know he's going for a scary dictator vibe,
but somehow it reminds me more
of when a museum gets a new dinosaur.
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
In a recent podcast interview,
Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr.
said, "I'm not scared of a germ.
I used to snort cocaine off of toilet seats."
Now I know he's crazy.
Why wouldn't you use
the toilet tank, you know?
It's flat, and you don't have to get on the ground --
I've heard!
[ Laughter ]
In a new interview,
Second Lady Usha Vance said that Vice President J.D. Vance
has been perfecting a recipe for Japanese milk bread
and said that he makes it "almost as well, or as well
as some of the restaurants that we get it from."
Well, yeah, because when you eat it at home,
it doesn't have any spit in it.
[ Laughter ]
When asked last week about former President Barack Obama
seemingly confirming that aliens are real,
President Trump told reporters,
"Well, he gave classified information.
He's not supposed to be doing that."
You should talk.
If someone wants classified information from you,
they just have to take a dump at your golf club.
[ Laughter ]
Disneyland has announced that couples will be able
to hold early-morning wedding ceremonies
at the Haunted Mansion, which is great
because it frees up your whole afternoon
for the annulment.
[ Laughter ]
After winning a bronze medal in the biathlon competition
in the Milan-Cortina Winter Olympics,
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