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How to Deal with Difficult People | Jay Johnson | TEDxLivoniaCCLibrary
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I want you to think of a time when maybe
you were interacting with somebody who
you felt was difficult as you're sitting
there and you're talking to them maybe
getting into an argument
maybe the tensions are starting to rise
if you can feel your palms starting to
sweat you can feel your breath starting
to get shorter you can feel yourself
getting angry and at some point in time
in that conversation you decide I've had
enough of this it's time for me to walk
away you walk out you get about five
steps this way and it hits you and
you're like oh I should have said this I
would have totally got them that is a
product of our brains when we meet
somebody maybe for the first time and we
shake their hands we say hello how are
you my name is Jay nice to meet you and
something in the back of your mind is
already hitting you and going I'm not
gonna like this person well if you've
experienced that trust me you're not
alone our brain is designed for survival
what Daniel Goleman calls the low road
is something where we look at others
call it the limbic system our fear
regulation our fight-or-flight response
when we deal with difficult people
ultimately what we're doing is trying to
get past that response it's a natural
response that we have in fact it's an
important response it is the response
that stress comes into the body so we
see things like adrenaline
norepinephrine cortisol flood the system
when we're engaged with those difficult
people we're in a heightened state of
anxiety during that and our other
systems start to shut down we don't
think rationally our metabolism slows we
can even get acne from having too much
stress hormones put into the body is
that a way that we want to live our
lives conflict in the workplace between
difficult people are not difficult
people has serious impacts and
ultimately what it does is it causes
turnover absenteeism it can even cause
projects to fail
so what can we do about that
we can't change other people's behavior
I can't make somebody behave in a way
that I want them to so I guess maybe we
need to look at a different framework of
operating from internal when we look at
people one of the ways that we can start
changing this conversation with
ourselves is to look at how we label
them so we label somebody difficult or a
pain in the you-know-what we also have
these archetypes that we tend to create
so for example one of the people you
might encounter them in the office place
you walk in to have a conversation with
them and they won't lift their head up
they're just sitting there they're
texting they're playing under computer
and they're not paying any attention to
you that's the archetype of the not
listener we have other art types such as
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