Quem me dera!

The expression "Quem me dera!" is a cornerstone of Portuguese emotional expression, serving as a powerful linguistic tool to convey deep longing, hypothetical desire, or a wistful sigh for something that is currently out of reach. While literally translating to something akin to "Who would give to me!", its functional equivalent in English is "I wish!", "If only!", or "I would love that!". It is deeply rooted in the concept of desejo (desire) and often carries a bittersweet undertone, acknowledging that the thing desired is difficult or impossible to attain. In the hierarchy of Portuguese expressions of wanting, "Quem me dera" sits in a special place; it is more poetic than a simple "Eu quero" (I want) and more resigned than "Eu espero" (I hope). It is the verbalization of a dream or a fantasy. For an English speaker, understanding this phrase requires stepping into the Portuguese mindset where the line between reality and longing is often blurred by the famous concept of saudade.

Emotional Register

It ranges from lighthearted banter about winning the lottery to profound existential longing for a lost time or a distant loved one.

Grammatically, the word dera is the pluperfect indicative of the verb dar (to give). In archaic Portuguese, this tense was frequently used to express a conditional or subjunctive mood, a relic that survives in this fixed expression. This historical weight gives the phrase a slightly more formal or traditional feel than modern slang, yet it remains ubiquitous across all social classes in both Portugal and Brazil. When you use "Quem me dera", you are not just stating a fact; you are performing an act of imagination. It is frequently used as a standalone exclamation in response to someone else's suggestion or description of a desirable situation. If a friend says, "I'm going to sleep until noon tomorrow," responding with "Quem me dera!" immediately communicates your envy and your own inability to do the same because of work or other obligations.

Social Nuance

In social settings, it can also be a humble way to accept a compliment. If someone says 'You look like a movie star!', you might reply 'Quem me dera!' to show modesty.

Furthermore, the phrase can be expanded into a full sentence using the structure "Quem me dera" + infinitive verb or "Quem me dera que" + subjunctive. For example, "Quem me dera falar português perfeitamente" (I wish I spoke Portuguese perfectly). This flexibility allows it to move from a simple exclamation to a complex expression of personal goals and regrets. In literature and Fado music, it is a recurring motif used to evoke the pain of distance and the beauty of unreachable dreams. It is a word that encapsulates the Portuguese soul's tendency toward nostalgia and the celebration of what might have been. By mastering this phrase, you gain access to a specific frequency of Portuguese communication that is both intimate and universally understood.

Using "Quem me dera!" correctly involves understanding its three primary syntactic roles. The first, and most common for beginners at the A2 level, is as an independent interjection. In this context, it functions as a complete thought. When someone describes a scenario that you find enviable or desirable but impossible, you simply say the phrase. For example, if someone mentions they are retired and spend their days at the beach, you reply, "Quem me dera!". The punctuation here is key; in writing, it almost always takes an exclamation mark to reflect the heightened emotion behind the wish.

Structure 1: Independent Interjection

Used as a reaction to a statement. Example: "Eles ganharam uma viagem? Quem me dera!" (They won a trip? I wish!)

The second structure involves following the phrase with an infinitive verb. This is used to express a wish that the speaker themselves would like to perform or experience. The formula is [Quem me dera] + [Verb in Infinitive] + [Complement]. This is a very common way to express personal desires without the need for complex subjunctive conjugations. For instance, "Quem me dera viajar pelo mundo" (I wish I could travel the world). Note that the subject is implicitly the speaker because of the "me" (to me) pronoun within the expression. If you wanted to express a wish for someone else, the structure changes significantly.

Structure 2: With Infinitive

Directly stating the action desired. Example: "Quem me dera saber cozinhar como tu." (I wish I knew how to cook like you.)

The third, more advanced structure uses the conjunction "que" followed by the imperfect subjunctive. This is used when the wish involves another person or a specific state of being that is clearly hypothetical. The formula is [Quem me dera] + [que] + [Subject] + [Imperfect Subjunctive]. For example, "Quem me dera que ele estivesse aqui" (I wish he were here). This is where the phrase becomes truly sophisticated, allowing for the expression of complex regrets and hopes regarding third parties. It is important to remember that "Quem me dera" is relatively fixed; you rarely change the "me" to "te" or "lhe" in common speech, as the expression is usually about the speaker's own perspective of a wish.

In everyday conversation, you might also hear it used ironically. If someone asks if you've finished a mountain of work, you might say "Quem me dera!" to indicate that you are nowhere near finished and wish you were. This ironic usage is very common in office environments or among students. It highlights the gap between the desired reality (being done) and the actual reality (having lots of work). Understanding these nuances allows you to not only speak Portuguese but to feel the language and its inherent expressive power.

You will encounter "Quem me dera!" in almost every corner of Lusophone life, from the bustling streets of Lisbon to the vibrant beaches of Rio de Janeiro. It is a phrase that transcends geography, though the intonation might shift slightly between dialects. In Portugal, the 'e' in 'dera' is often more closed, while in Brazil, it can be more open and melodic. You will hear it in cafes when people discuss the lottery results—a national pastime in many Portuguese-speaking countries. The phrase is the standard response to the question "Did you win?" or when looking at the jackpot amount: "Quem me dera ganhar esse prêmio!".

In Media and Entertainment

Telenovelas (soap operas) are a prime place to hear this. Characters often use it to express forbidden love or a desire for a different life. "Quem me dera que ele me amasse!" (If only he loved me!)

In the song by Mariza, the phrase is used to talk about the desire to unlearn how to love someone who has caused pain. This highlights the more melancholic, 'fado' side of the expression. It is not always about happy wishes; it is often about the pain of wishing. In Brazil, you might hear it in MPB (Música Popular Brasileira) or Samba, often in a more rhythmic, almost percussive way. Beyond music, it is a staple of family gatherings. Imagine a grandmother looking at old photos and saying, "Quem me dera voltar a ter vinte anos" (I wish I were twenty again). It is a phrase that bridges generations, connecting the young person's dreams with the older person's nostalgia.

In professional settings, it is used to express a desire for more resources or time. A manager might say, "Quem me dera ter mais orçamento para este projeto" (I wish I had more budget for this project). Here, it serves as a polite way to acknowledge limitations while expressing ambition. It is also very common in sports commentary. When a player narrowly misses a goal, the commentator or the fans might scream "Quem me dera que aquela bola tivesse entrado!" (If only that ball had gone in!). It is the sound of the 'almost', the 'nearly', and the 'what if'. Whether in a high-stakes business meeting or a casual chat at a 'boteco', this phrase is the key to expressing the human condition of always wanting just a little bit more than what we have.

One of the most frequent errors English speakers make when using "Quem me dera!" is trying to translate the English verb "to wish" directly into Portuguese using "desejar" or "querer" in contexts where "Quem me dera" is much more natural. While "Eu desejo" is grammatically correct, it often sounds too formal or even clinical. "Quem me dera" captures the idiomatic weight of a wistful wish that "desejar" lacks. Another common mistake is the confusion between "Quem me dera" and "Tomara". While both express wishes, "Tomara" is generally more hopeful and used for things that might actually happen (e.g., "Tomara que chova" - I hope it rains), whereas "Quem me dera" is often for things that are unlikely or purely hypothetical.

Mistake 1: Literal Translation

Using "Eu desejo que..." for everyday wistful wishes. Correct: "Quem me dera ter um carro novo!"

Another technical pitfall is the tense following "que". Students often use the present subjunctive instead of the imperfect subjunctive. Remember: "Quem me dera que eu tenha" is wrong; it must be "Quem me dera que eu tivesse". Because the wish is seen as distant or unreal, the imperfect subjunctive is the required partner. Furthermore, beginners sometimes try to change the pronoun "me" to match the subject of the wish. They might say "Quem lhe dera" to mean "He wishes". While "Quem lhe dera" is actually a valid expression, it is much less common and usually used to sarcastically say "He wish he could!" or "In his dreams!". For 90% of your needs, keep it as "Quem me dera".

Finally, be careful with the word order. In European Portuguese, clitic pronouns (like 'me') usually follow the verb in affirmative sentences, but in this fixed expression, the 'me' is always before 'dera' because of the preceding 'Quem'. Trying to say "Quem dera-me" is a major error that breaks the fixed nature of the idiom. Also, avoid overusing it in very formal written reports where a more objective tone is required. It is an emotional expression, best suited for speech, literature, and informal writing. By avoiding these common traps, your Portuguese will sound much more authentic and nuanced.

While "Quem me dera!" is unique, there are several other ways to express wishes and hopes in Portuguese, each with its own flavor. Understanding the differences between them is key to reaching a B1 or B2 level of fluency. The most direct relative is "Tomara". As mentioned before, "Tomara" is used for things the speaker actually hopes will happen. It is more optimistic. If you are waiting for a phone call, you say "Tomara que ele ligue". If you know he won't call but you wish he would, you say "Quem me dera que ele ligasse".

Comparison: Quem me dera vs. Tomara

Quem me dera: Hypothetical, often unlikely, wistful.
Tomara: Hopeful, possible, anticipating a positive outcome.

Another alternative is "Oxalá". This word comes from the Arabic 'Insha'Allah' (If God wills). It is used similarly to "Tomara" but carries a more formal, literary, or even slightly religious/solemn tone. It is very common in Portugal but less so in everyday casual Brazilian speech. Then there is the simple use of the verb "Gostar" in the conditional: "Eu gostaria de...". This is the standard "I would like..." and is used for polite requests or expressing a preference. It lacks the emotional depth of "Quem me dera". While "Gostaria de ser rico" is a statement of fact, "Quem me dera ser rico!" is an exclamation of longing.

You might also encounter "Se ao menos...", which is the literal translation of "If only...". This is perfectly correct and used frequently in both speech and writing. "Se ao menos eu tivesse mais tempo..." (If only I had more time...). It is often interchangeable with "Quem me dera que eu tivesse mais tempo", but "Quem me dera" is more common as a short, punchy reaction. Finally, in very informal Brazilian Portuguese, people sometimes use "Antes dera", which is a variation that emphasizes that a certain situation would be much better than the current one. Knowing these alternatives allows you to choose the exact level of emotion and formality you want to convey in your Portuguese conversations.