安慰自己
安慰自己 in 30 Seconds
- A verb phrase meaning 'to comfort oneself,' essential for discussing emotions and resilience in Chinese.
- Composed of '安慰' (comfort) and '自己' (self), it describes internal emotional regulation.
- Commonly used in daily life to handle disappointments, from small mishaps to major failures.
- Can range from healthy self-care to unrealistic rationalization (Ah Q spirit).
The phrase 安慰自己 (ān wèi zì jǐ) is a vital psychological and linguistic tool in Mandarin Chinese, functioning primarily as a verb phrase that translates to 'to comfort oneself' or 'to console oneself.' At its core, it describes the internal process of seeking emotional stability or relief after a setback, disappointment, or emotional trauma. It is composed of two distinct parts: 安慰 (ān wèi), which means to comfort or soothe, and 自己 (zì jǐ), which means oneself. In Chinese culture, where emotional resilience is highly valued, this phrase is frequently used to describe the act of finding a 'silver lining' or rationalizing a difficult situation to maintain mental equilibrium.
- Psychological Context
- It refers to the self-soothing mechanism individuals use to cope with stress. This could involve positive self-talk, lowering expectations, or looking at a situation from a different perspective.
- Social Context
- Often used when someone fails an exam or loses a job. Friends might say '不要只是安慰自己,要找出原因' (Don't just comfort yourself; find the reason).
虽然没拿到奖金,但他安慰自己说,至少学到了经验。 (Although he didn't get the bonus, he comforted himself by saying that at least he gained experience.)
The term carries a nuanced spectrum of meaning. On one hand, it can represent a healthy form of emotional regulation—the ability to be kind to oneself during hard times. On the other hand, in certain contexts, it can imply a sense of denial or 'sour grapes' (like the Aesop fable), where someone makes excuses for their failure rather than facing reality. This duality makes it a fascinating phrase to study. It is not just about the words; it is about the intention behind the self-talk. In modern Chinese social media, you might see users post about '安慰自己' when they buy an expensive item they didn't really need, justifying it as 'self-care' or a reward for hard work.
Culturally, the concept of 安慰自己 is sometimes linked to the famous literary character Ah Q (from Lu Xun's 'The True Story of Ah Q'). Ah Q is known for his 'spiritual victories' (精神胜利法), a form of extreme self-consolation where he interprets every defeat as a moral victory. While 安慰自己 is generally more neutral or positive than Ah Q's delusions, understanding this literary backdrop helps learners grasp why sometimes the phrase might carry a slightly self-deprecating or ironic tone in adult conversations.
Using 安慰自己 correctly requires understanding its grammatical flexibility as a verb phrase. It typically follows a subject and can be modified by adverbs of frequency or manner. Because it is an action directed toward the self, it rarely takes another object after '自己'.
- Basic Structure
- [Subject] + [Adverb] + 安慰自己 + [Content of comfort]. For example: 我总是安慰自己一切都会好起来的。
她努力地安慰自己,试图从悲伤中走出来。 (She tried hard to comfort herself, attempting to move on from the sadness.)
One of the most common ways to use this phrase is to describe a reaction to a negative outcome. For instance, if you miss a bus, you might say: '没关系,刚好可以多走走路,我这样安慰自己。' (It's okay, I can just walk more; I comfort myself this way.) Notice how the phrase can be used at the end of a sentence to provide context for the previous statement.
Furthermore, 安慰自己 can be used in the negative to suggest that someone is being unrealistic or needs to stop making excuses. '你不能总是这样安慰自己,你得面对现实。' (You can't always comfort yourself like this; you have to face reality.) This usage highlights the fine line between healthy coping and avoidance. In professional settings, it might appear in discussions about morale or resilience, though it remains primarily a term for personal emotional states.
In real-life Mandarin environments, you will encounter 安慰自己 in a variety of settings, ranging from intimate conversations to popular media. It is a 'high-frequency' phrase because it touches upon a universal human experience: dealing with the gap between expectation and reality.
- Daily Conversations
- Friends often use it when discussing dating or career setbacks. '他没回你信息,你就安慰自己说他在忙吧。' (He didn't reply to your message, just comfort yourself by saying he's busy.)
- TV Dramas and Movies
- Protagonists often have internal monologues where they use this phrase to show their inner strength or their vulnerability.
在深夜里,他只能靠听音乐来安慰自己。 (In the deep of night, he could only rely on listening to music to comfort himself.)
Social media platforms like Weibo or Xiaohongshu are filled with '安慰自己' content. Users often post 'meme-like' justifications for their spending habits or lifestyle choices. For example, '虽然今天加班很累,但安慰自己赚到了加班费。' (Although working overtime today was tiring, I comfort myself knowing I earned overtime pay.) This reflects a modern, slightly cynical but resilient way of living in fast-paced urban China.
Learners of Chinese often run into specific hurdles when using 安慰自己. The most critical mistake is confusing it with words that have vastly different meanings but share similar components.
- Confusing with '自慰'
- This is a major pitfall. While '自慰' (zì wèi) literally looks like 'self-comfort,' it is the standard Chinese term for masturbation. Always use '安慰自己' or '自我安慰' for emotional consolation. Using '自慰' in an emotional context will cause extreme embarrassment.
- Word Order Errors
- Some learners try to say '安慰我本身' (comfort myself-identity). This is grammatically incorrect. '自己' is the standard reflexive pronoun used here.
Incorrect: 他安慰他自己。
Correct: 他安慰自己。
(Note: While '他自己' is possible, in this specific verb phrase, '安慰自己' is the idiomatic standard.)
Another mistake involves the tone. Learners sometimes use it too formally in casual settings. While '安慰自己' is appropriate everywhere, using the four-character version '自我安慰' in a casual chat about a missed bus might sound a bit too 'psychological' or clinical. Stick to '安慰自己' for everyday small disappointments.
To truly master the concept of self-consolation in Chinese, it is helpful to look at synonyms and related terms that carry different shades of meaning.
- 自我安慰 (zì wǒ ān wèi)
- The formal, often nominalized version of '安慰自己'. It is used in psychological texts or more formal writing. Example: 这只是一种自我安慰。 (This is just a form of self-comfort.)
- 宽慰 (kuān wèi)
- To feel relieved or to soothe someone. It implies a sense of becoming 'wide' or 'relaxed' in the heart. Usually used when a worry is removed.
- 心理建设 (xīn lǐ jiàn shè)
- Literally 'psychological construction'. This is a modern term for preparing oneself mentally for a challenge or a potential failure. It is more proactive than '安慰自己'.
Comparison:
1. 安慰自己: Reacting to pain.
2. 心理建设: Preparing for potential pain.
Lastly, consider the term 释怀 (shì huái). While '安慰自己' is the process of trying to feel better, '释怀' is the result—letting go of a grudge or a negative emotion completely. Use '安慰自己' when you are still in the middle of the struggle.
How Formal Is It?
Fun Fact
The character '慰' has the 'heart' radical at the bottom, indicating that true comfort must reach the emotions. In ancient times, '安慰' was often used by superiors to soothe subordinates.
Pronunciation Guide
- Pronouncing 'wèi' as 'wéi' (second tone).
- Failing to perform the tone sandhi for 'zì jǐ' where 'zì' stays fourth but 'jǐ' is a full third.
- Mispronouncing 'jǐ' as 'jī'.
- Using the wrong 'zi' character.
- Mumbling the 'ān' sound.
Difficulty Rating
Characters are common (HSK 3-4 level).
The character '慰' is slightly complex to write.
Tones are straightforward but watch the tone sandhi.
Very common in TV and conversation.
What to Learn Next
Prerequisites
Learn Next
Advanced
Grammar to Know
Reflexive Pronoun '自己'
我自己去。 (I go myself.)
Verb + '说' to introduce thoughts
他心里想说... (He thought in his heart...)
Adverbial '地'
慢慢地走。 (Walk slowly.)
Purpose with '来'
他去北京来找工作。 (He went to Beijing to find a job.)
Tone Sandhi for Third Tones
zì jǐ (fourth + third, no change, but 'jǐ' is full).
Examples by Level
我安慰自己。
I comfort myself.
Simple Subject + Verb + Object structure.
别哭,安慰自己一下。
Don't cry, comfort yourself a bit.
Using '一下' for a brief action.
他学会了安慰自己。
He learned to comfort himself.
Verb + 了 to show completion of learning.
妈妈让我安慰自己。
Mom told me to comfort myself.
Pivotal sentence with '让'.
我想安慰自己。
I want to comfort myself.
Using '想' to express desire.
你会安慰自己吗?
Can you comfort yourself?
Simple question with '吗'.
安慰自己很重要。
Comforting oneself is important.
The phrase acts as the subject here.
他在安慰自己。
He is comforting himself.
Using '在' for continuous action.
虽然输了比赛,他还在安慰自己。
Although he lost the game, he is still comforting himself.
Contrastive structure with '虽然...还是'.
他安慰自己说:“没关系。”
He comforted himself saying, 'It's okay.'
Introducing a quote with '说'.
我买了一件新衣服来安慰自己。
I bought a new piece of clothing to comfort myself.
Using '来' to show purpose.
她总是这样安慰自己。
She always comforts herself this way.
Adverb '总是' modifying the phrase.
你不应该只是安慰自己。
You shouldn't just comfort yourself.
Negative advice with '不应该'.
他用好吃的食物安慰自己。
He used delicious food to comfort himself.
Using '用...[Object]...' to show method.
我试着安慰自己,但很难。
I tried to comfort myself, but it's hard.
Using '试着' (trying to).
安慰自己之后,他心情好多了。
After comforting himself, he felt much better.
Using '...之后' to show time sequence.
他不断地安慰自己,试图忘记那次失败。
He constantly comforted himself, trying to forget that failure.
Adverbial '不断地' for repeated action.
在孤独的时候,他只能安慰自己。
When lonely, he could only comfort himself.
Conditional '...的时候' (when...).
这只不过是他安慰自己的一种方式。
This is nothing more than a way for him to comfort himself.
Using '只不过是' for 'nothing more than'.
他通过写日记来安慰自己。
He comforts himself by writing in a journal.
Using '通过...来...' (by means of).
如果你不学会安慰自己,生活会很辛苦。
If you don't learn to comfort yourself, life will be very hard.
Conditional '如果...就/会...'.
她安慰自己说,这只是一个意外。
She comforted herself by saying this was just an accident.
Using '只是' to downplay a situation.
他不再需要别人的安慰,学会了安慰自己。
He no longer needs others' comfort; he learned to comfort himself.
Using '不再' (no longer).
安慰自己是保持心理健康的一种方法。
Comforting oneself is a method for maintaining mental health.
Nominalized phrase as subject.
他那种安慰自己的说法,显然是在逃避现实。
His way of comforting himself is clearly an escape from reality.
Using '显然' for 'clearly'.
面对挫折,我们有时需要适当地安慰自己。
Facing setbacks, we sometimes need to appropriately comfort ourselves.
Using '适当地' (appropriately).
他安慰自己的逻辑听起来有些牵强。
The logic he uses to comfort himself sounds a bit far-fetched.
Describing the 'logic' of the action.
她习惯于在遇到困难时先安慰自己。
She is used to comforting herself first when encountering difficulties.
Using '习惯于' (be accustomed to).
这种安慰自己的心理暗示非常有效。
This kind of self-comforting psychological hint is very effective.
Using '心理暗示' (psychological hint).
他试图通过安慰自己来减轻内心的愧疚。
He tried to reduce the guilt in his heart by comforting himself.
Using '减轻' (to lighten/reduce).
我们不能过度安慰自己,否则会失去动力。
We cannot over-comfort ourselves, otherwise we will lose motivation.
Using '否则' (otherwise).
他安慰自己的话语中透露出一丝无奈。
A hint of helplessness was revealed in the words he used to comfort himself.
Using '透露出' (to reveal).
他在文章中详细描述了如何通过安慰自己度过危机。
In his article, he described in detail how to get through a crisis by comforting oneself.
Complex prepositional phrase with '通过'.
这种极端的安慰自己无异于饮鸩止渴。
This extreme self-comfort is no different from drinking poison to quench thirst.
Using the idiom '饮鸩止渴' (short-term fix, long-term disaster).
他总能找到各种借口来安慰自己,使其行为合理化。
He can always find various excuses to comfort himself and rationalize his behavior.
Using '使其...合理化' (to rationalize it).
在绝望的边缘,安慰自己成了他唯一的支柱。
On the brink of despair, comforting himself became his only pillar of support.
Metaphorical use of '支柱' (pillar).
这种安慰自己的策略在短期内确实能缓解压力。
This self-comfort strategy can indeed relieve stress in the short term.
Using '确实' for emphasis.
他那种阿Q式的安慰自己,令人感到既可笑又可悲。
His Ah Q-style self-comfort makes one feel both ridiculous and pathetic.
Reference to '阿Q' (literary figure).
他并不想寻求他人的同情,只想静静地安慰自己。
He doesn't want to seek others' sympathy; he just wants to quietly comfort himself.
Contrast '寻求他人同情' vs '安慰自己'.
安慰自己不仅是一种情感需求,更是一种生存智慧。
Comforting oneself is not only an emotional need but also a survival wisdom.
Using '不仅...更...' (not only... but even...).
他深谙安慰自己之道,总能在逆境中寻得一丝慰藉。
He is well-versed in the art of self-comfort and can always find a sliver of solace in adversity.
Using '深谙...之道' (to be well-versed in).
这种看似卑微的安慰自己,实则是对残酷现实的一种消极抵抗。
This seemingly humble self-comfort is, in fact, a form of passive resistance against a cruel reality.
Using '实则是' (is in fact).
文人墨客常在诗词中安慰自己,抒发壮志难酬的感慨。
Scholars and poets often comforted themselves in their poetry, expressing the feeling of unfulfilled ambitions.
Historical/Literary context.
他试图剥离那些虚伪的安慰自己,直面鲜血淋漓的真相。
He tried to strip away those hypocritical self-comforts and face the bloody truth.
Using '剥离' (to strip away) and '鲜血淋漓' (bloody/vivid).
在宏大的历史叙事面前,个人的安慰自己显得如此渺小。
In the face of grand historical narratives, individual self-comfort appears so insignificant.
Juxtaposition of scale.
他这种彻头彻尾的安慰自己,已经演变成了一种病态的幻觉。
This thorough self-comfort of his has evolved into a pathological hallucination.
Using '演变成' (to evolve into).
安慰自己是一场永无止境的内心博弈。
Comforting oneself is an endless internal game/struggle.
Metaphorical '博弈' (game theory/struggle).
他笔下的角色往往在极度匮乏中,依靠安慰自己来维持最后的尊严。
The characters in his writing often rely on self-comfort to maintain their final dignity amidst extreme scarcity.
Literary analysis structure.
Common Collocations
Common Phrases
— Searching for excuses to feel better.
别再找理由安慰自己了。
— To give oneself a little bit of comfort.
买个礼物给自己一点安慰。
— Psychological comfort (often placebo).
这药其实没用,只是个心理安慰。
— Using this (specific thing) to comfort oneself.
他以此安慰自己受伤的心靈。
— Why bother comforting oneself (rhetorical).
输了就是输了,何必安慰自己。
— Forcing oneself to feel better when it's hard.
他强行安慰自己不要去想。
— Habitually comforting oneself.
这是一种习惯性安慰自己的行为。
— Self-comforting at night (implies vulnerability).
深夜安慰自己的文字总是很感性。
— Comforting oneself through retail therapy.
很多女孩子喜欢通过购物安慰自己。
Often Confused With
Means masturbation. Extremely important to avoid using this for emotional comfort.
Means to encourage oneself to take action, whereas '安慰' is about soothing pain.
Means to forgive oneself for a mistake, which is a specific type of self-comfort.
Idioms & Expressions
— A setback may be a blessing in disguise; used to comfort oneself.
他用塞翁失马的故事来安慰自己。
Literary/Common— Contentment brings happiness; a philosophy of self-comfort.
他常以知足常乐来安慰自己。
Common— Losing money to avoid a bigger disaster.
钱包丢了,他安慰自己说这是破财消灾。
Common— If it's in your destiny, you'll have it; if not, don't force it.
没升职,他安慰自己命里有时终须有。
Common— If the old doesn't go, the new won't come.
杯子碎了,他安慰自己旧的不去,新的不来。
Informal— Worse than some, better than others.
他安慰自己,比起那些没工作的人,他已经很好了。
Common— There will be plenty of time/days ahead.
这次失败没关系,安慰自己来日方长。
Neutral— Same as above (short version).
别难过,塞翁失马嘛。
Neutral— Let nature take its course.
他安慰自己要顺其自然。
Neutral— Heaven never seals off all exits.
他安慰自己天无绝人之路。
CommonEasily Confused
It can be a verb or a noun.
安慰 is the general act; 安慰自己 is specifically directed at the self.
他需要安慰。 (He needs comfort.)
Similar meaning.
宽慰 implies a sense of 'relief' and is slightly more formal.
听到好消息,他感到很宽慰。
Both involve the heart radical.
欣慰 means being gratified or satisfied with a result, usually someone else's achievement.
看到孩子进步,我很欣慰。
Both mean to soothe.
劝慰 involves 'persuading' someone else to feel better.
朋友一直在劝慰我。
Literary synonym.
抚慰 implies 'caressing' or deep emotional soothing, often used for trauma.
时间可以抚慰一切伤痛。
Sentence Patterns
虽然...但[Subject]安慰自己...
虽然下雨了,但我安慰自己雨景很美。
[Subject]不断地安慰自己,试图...
他不断地安慰自己,试图保持冷静。
这不过是[Subject]安慰自己的方式。
这不过是他安慰自己的方式而已。
与其说...不如说是安慰自己。
与其说他在坚持,不如说是在安慰自己。
[Subject]用...来安慰自己。
她用巧克力来安慰自己。
[Subject]安慰自己说:“...”
我安慰自己说:“一切都会好的。”
在...的情况下,只能安慰自己。
在没有选择的情况下,只能安慰自己。
这种安慰自己无异于...
这种安慰自己无异于自取灭亡。
Word Family
Nouns
Verbs
Adjectives
Related
How to Use It
Very high in both spoken and written Chinese.
-
他安慰他自己。
→
他安慰自己。
Adding the extra pronoun '他' before '自己' is redundant and unidiomatic in this phrase.
-
我自慰。 (when meaning emotional comfort)
→
我安慰自己。
As discussed, '自慰' has a sexual meaning. This is a very common and embarrassing error.
-
安慰自己很开心。
→
安慰自己后,我很开心。
The original sounds like the act of comforting itself is 'happy', rather than the result.
-
他安慰自己他很聪明。
→
他安慰自己说他很聪明。
You usually need the verb '说' (to say) to introduce the content of the comfort.
-
不要安慰你自己。
→
不要安慰自己。
In Chinese, '你自己' is rarely used as a reflexive object in this specific phrase; '自己' is sufficient.
Tips
Verb-Object Structure
Remember that '自己' is the object here. You are the one doing the comforting and the one receiving it.
The Ah Q Spirit
Understanding Lu Xun's Ah Q helps you see the ironic side of this phrase in intellectual conversations.
Tone Sandhi
In 'zì jǐ', the 'jǐ' is a third tone. If another third tone follows it, the first one changes to second. Practice '安慰自己好吗'.
Heart Radical
Always include the 心 at the bottom of 慰. It shows that comfort is an emotional, not just physical, act.
Synonym Choice
Use '看开' for a more casual, philosophical 'letting it go' feel.
Retail Therapy
In modern China, '安慰自己' is frequently linked to spending money (shopping, eating) to feel better.
The Danger Word
I will repeat: avoid '自慰' unless you are in a medical or sexual context. Use '安慰自己'.
Sentence Endings
Often people say a sentence and then add '...我这样安慰自己' at the end.
Empathy
Telling someone '你要学会安慰自己' can sound a bit cold, as if you don't want to help them. Use it carefully.
The Mirror Mnemonic
Imagine looking in a mirror and saying 'An Wei' to your reflection (Ziji).
Memorize It
Mnemonic
Think of 'An' (Peace) + 'Way' (Wei - sounds like 'way'). Finding a 'Peaceful Way' for 'Ziji' (Yourself).
Visual Association
Imagine a person hugging themselves in a warm room under a sturdy roof (the 'An' radical).
Word Web
Challenge
Try to write three things you say when you need to 安慰自己 today.
Word Origin
The phrase is a modern combination of the verb '安慰' (ān wèi) and the reflexive pronoun '自己' (zì jǐ). '安' (ān) originally depicted a woman under a roof, symbolizing peace and safety. '慰' (wèi) consists of 'heart' (心) and 'demonstrate/soothe' (尉).
Original meaning: To bring peace to the heart of oneself.
Sino-Tibetan (Mandarin Chinese).Cultural Context
Be careful not to use '自慰' (masturbation) when you mean '安慰自己'.
In English, 'comforting oneself' can sometimes sound lonely, whereas in Chinese, '安慰自己' is often seen as a practical and necessary skill for survival in a competitive society.
Practice in Real Life
Real-World Contexts
Failing an exam
- 下次努力
- 题目太难
- 已经尽力了
- 安慰自己
Losing a game
- 重在参与
- 友谊第一
- 吸取教训
- 安慰自己
Breakups
- 不适合我
- 下一个更好
- 保持尊严
- 安慰自己
Work stress
- 为了赚钱
- 锻炼能力
- 下班就好
- 安慰自己
Missing a flight
- 安全第一
- 多留一天
- 顺其自然
- 安慰自己
Conversation Starters
"当你难过的时候,你会怎么安慰自己?"
"你觉得安慰自己是逃避现实吗?"
"最近一次你安慰自己是因为什么事?"
"你会用美食来安慰自己吗?"
"如果你朋友很伤心,你会教他如何安慰自己吗?"
Journal Prompts
写一次你不得不安慰自己的经历。当时发生了什么?
你认为‘安慰自己’和‘自欺欺人’的区别在哪里?
描述一种你最喜欢的安慰自己的方式(比如听音乐或散步)。
如果一个人永远不会安慰自己,他的生活会变成什么样?
分析为什么有些人在失败后很难安慰自己。
Frequently Asked Questions
10 questionsUsually, no. Standard Chinese uses '安慰自己' as a verb phrase. However, '自我安慰' (zì wǒ ān wèi) is a valid four-character compound that acts as both a verb and a noun.
Not necessarily. While it's a healthy coping mechanism, it can be used negatively to imply that someone is lying to themselves or avoiding reality, similar to the concept of 'sour grapes.'
安慰 is broader. 宽慰 specifically suggests that a weight has been lifted or a worry has been dispelled. You '安慰' someone who is crying; you feel '宽慰' when you find your lost keys.
Never use '自' + '慰' alone in a sentence unless you mean the medical/sexual term. Always use the full phrase '安慰自己' or '自我安慰'.
Yes, but usually in the context of team morale or personal resilience after a failed deal. '我们需要安慰自己,这只是暂时的挫折。'
In the form '安慰自己' it's a verb phrase. If you need a noun, use '自我安慰'. '这只是他的自我安慰。'
Ah Q is the literary personification of extreme, delusional self-comfort. People might say '你这是阿Q式的安慰自己' to criticize someone's denial.
Extremely common in Mandopop. Many songs are about '安慰自己' after a breakup.
No, '安慰自己' is only for the subject. To comfort others, just use '安慰' (e.g., 我安慰他).
Yes, it conveys a sense of vulnerability and internal processing.
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Summary
The phrase '安慰自己' is more than just words; it represents a cultural approach to resilience. For example, '别难过,学会安慰自己' (Don't be sad; learn to comfort yourself) shows its role in emotional maturity.
- A verb phrase meaning 'to comfort oneself,' essential for discussing emotions and resilience in Chinese.
- Composed of '安慰' (comfort) and '自己' (self), it describes internal emotional regulation.
- Commonly used in daily life to handle disappointments, from small mishaps to major failures.
- Can range from healthy self-care to unrealistic rationalization (Ah Q spirit).
Verb-Object Structure
Remember that '自己' is the object here. You are the one doing the comforting and the one receiving it.
The Ah Q Spirit
Understanding Lu Xun's Ah Q helps you see the ironic side of this phrase in intellectual conversations.
Tone Sandhi
In 'zì jǐ', the 'jǐ' is a third tone. If another third tone follows it, the first one changes to second. Practice '安慰自己好吗'.
Heart Radical
Always include the 心 at the bottom of 慰. It shows that comfort is an emotional, not just physical, act.
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A1A little; somewhat; rather.
一点
A1A little; a bit; slightly.
可恶
A2Hateful; detestable; abominable.
心不在焉
A2Absent-minded; preoccupied.
接受地
A2Acceptingly; receptively.
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撒娇
A2To act like a spoiled child; to act cute.
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沉迷
A2To be addicted to; to be engrossed in.
敬佩
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