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The Baileys: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO)
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A quick word about Chuck Schumer, whose
time on earth seems to be represented by
how far down his nose his glasses are.
Schumer is the leading Democrat in the
Senate, which frankly isn't ideal given
how weak his responses to the Trump
administration have been so far. For
instance, when it withheld hundreds of
millions of dollars from universities
claiming it was to combat anti-semitism,
Schumer went on TV to proudly announce
Democrats counter punch. So, we sent him
a very strong letter just the other day
um tell asking eight very strong
questions about why this isn't just a
pretext.
>> Well, you'll let us know if you get a
response to that letter.
>> Yeah. I mean, it's not ideal when you're
getting dunked on by a CNN anchor.
But I do love the way he said we sent
him a very strong letter. As if that is
literally anything. He might as well
have said, "We had a gerbble fart in an
envelope and handd delivered it to
Trump's childhood neighbor." Either way,
you are not getting through to him. But
I actually want to talk less about Chuck
Schumer himself and more about two of
his favorite people, Joe and Eileen
Bailey. There are a couple that
throughout Schumer's career, he has
talked about a lot.
>> They're a middle class couple in
Masipiqua, which is a suburb on Long
Island. Joe and Eileen Bailey, this
middle class couple, they bought into
Reagan Republicanism in 1980. Joe and
Eileen are worried about losing their
jobs or their friends jobs.
>> The Bailey's really don't believe in
trickle down. They don't believe in a
whole lot of government spending, but
they believe in tax breaks for uh kids
to go to college. He's an insurance
adjuster in lives in the New York
suburbs. By New York standards, he makes
50,000 a year. If he lived in the middle
of the country, he'd make 40. Wife works
in a medical office. She makes about 20.
She might make 15 elsewhere. And you
know, I have guided my political life
through the Bailey's. Okay, first
stop putting all their business out
there. Joe makes $50,000 a year. Eileen
makes 20. They own two cars, a Taurus
and a Honda Odyssey. And they have sex
three times a week. Jolie Joe usually
initiates, but their therapist is
encouraging Eileen to get more in touch
with her sensual side and surprise Joe
with some sexy lingerie when he gets
home from insurance adjusting, which
again pays him $50,000.
But but you heard him. The Bailey's have
guided Chuck Schumer's political life,
which is a little weird given they don't
exist. Seriously, he invented them.
Schumer first introduced the world to
the Bailey's in his 2007 book,
Positively American: Winning Back the
Middleass Majority, One Family at a
Time. In it, he mentions the Bailey's an
astonishing 265 times in 264 pages. But
he'd apparently been talking about them
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