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Anthony Jeselnik - Funniest Dark Jokes Compilation
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[Music]
i am aware
that i must seem like a tough cold son
of a [ __ ] up here
in fact
the only time i've ever cried in public
in my entire life
was at my mom's funeral
i might be
a tough cold son of a [ __ ]
but that doesn't mean i'm not also
one hell of an actor
my baby brother is in high school now
and we're close
but sometimes let's try to take
advantage of that you know
a couple months ago he calls me up he
goes anthony i just cut school for no
reason
and now i need you to write me a sick
note
and then forge dad's signature and make
it good
i did my best but i'm horrible and stuff
like that
teachers took one look at the note and
said mikey
you expect me to believe this
you don't have aids
[Laughter]
oh fantastic if you guys like that
answer
i've got some great news
you're going to love
this next aids joke
i just got an email from an
ex-girlfriend of mine telling me that
she has aids
and i didn't
i like your style
i just got an email from my
ex-girlfriend telling me that she has
aids
and i didn't know how to comfort her
so i just wrote back i know
[Applause]
yesterday i accidentally uh
hit a little kid with my car
it wasn't serious
nobody saw me
and people get weird when kids die
no that's a fact
that's a fact
like about a month ago
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